Joke World 12-01-09

[Arvon]

Ah speeding to the end of the year. Just enough time to get rid of some more oldies...


A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on
a plane.

The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya'll
from?"

The Northern girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a
preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So,
where ya'll from, bitch?"

[Arvon]

Did you hear that researchers have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.

[Arvon]

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine-cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said: ‘I don’t think you should take one, Dad. They’re very strong and very expensive.’

‘How much?’ asked Grandpa.

‘$10.00 a pill.’ answered the son.

‘I don’t care,’ said Grandpa,

‘I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.’

Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow.

He called Grandpa and said: ‘Dad, I told you each pill costs $10.00, not $110.00. ‘

‘I know,’ said Grandpa. ‘The hundred is from Grandma!’

[Arvon]

Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.

The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.

They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."

Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.

The man replied, "Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, "Come out and fight like a man

[VulcanRider]

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis and one day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!"

Sven says, "Me too. Y'know, I hear you can drink dat yet fuel and get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.

Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

The phone rang. It was Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?"

Ole says, "I feel great. How bout you?"

Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?"

Ole says, "No dat yet fuel iss great stuff -- no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do dis more often."

Sven agreed."Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting."

Ole asked, "Vat's dat?"

Sven questioned, "Haff you farted yet?"

Ole stopped to think. "No "

"Vell, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Milvaukee"

[Arvon]

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
Woman: "Why?"
Man: "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

[VulcanRider]

Ethel and George were having lunch together in the tavern.
George leans over to Ethel and says, " Do you remember the very first time we had sex 60 years ago?"
Ethel replies, "Yea dear I do, it was behind this very tavern, I lent on the fence, it was wonderful"
With a gleam in his eye, George asks," do you want to do it again for old time sake?"
Ethel smiles and replies," That would be wonderful"
the two of them get up and with the aid of walking sticks, shuffle out of the tavern.
A Police officer who was sitting in the next booth and couldn't help hearing the conversation thought to himself that it would be funny and that he better check on them just to make sure they were ok. He followed them out and around the back of the tavern.
Reaching the fence, Ethel lifts up her dress and George drops his pants. As they couple, Ethel leans in against the fence. The police officer watches in awe as the most furious sex erupts. for 15 minutes the elderly couple are screaming and moaning and thrashing around until finally they fall to the ground gasping for air and moaning. The cop is dumbfounded and resolves to find out what their secret is.
When they finally recover, Ethel and George pick themselves up and painfully make there way bact towards the Tavern. As they pass the Police officer, he says, "You two are amazing, can I please ask how you kept so much passion after 60 years of marriage?
George turns to him and says, "60 years ago, that wasn't an electric fence"

[Arvon]

Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the
toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, but wanted to know
and acknowledge the originating location.

After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their
conclusion as to the origin of the toothbrush. It was decided that the brush
was invented in West Virginia.

Intrigued with the discovery, the researchers were asked by the media how
they came to the conclusion. They all agree it was simple deduction, "If it
was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush."

[Arvon]

A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a
cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist,
"what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster

[Arvon]

A father brought his son into the doctor because the boy had a matchbox car
shoved up his nose. All the while the doctor was trying to remove the car,
the father kept saying "I don't know how he did it!" Finally the doctor
removed the car, and the father and son left.
A few hours later, the father came back with the matchbox shoved up HIS
nose. He told the doctor, "I know how he did it!"