Southernese

[John D Harris]

Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most
awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words ,
"Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they
put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six
lane highway."

Or, "Bless her heart, she's so bucktoothed, she could eat an
apple through a picket fence."

There are also the sneakier ones that I remember from tongue
clucking types of my childhood: "You know, it's amazing that even
though she had that baby 7 months after they got married, bless her
heart, it weighed 10 pounds!"

As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all
that
bad, at least that's what my Great Aunt Tiny (bless her heart, she was
anything but tiny) used to say.

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling me
about her new Northern friend who was upset because her toddler
is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern accent. My friend, who
is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs
of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had
CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. "Can you
believe it?" said my friend. "A child of mine is going to be
taaaallllkkin
liiiike thiiiissss."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the
North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships
and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten
past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here.

The ones who really gore my ox are the native Southerners who have
begun to act almost embarrassed about their speech. It's as if they want
to bury it in the "Hee Haw" cornfield. We've already lost too much.

I was raised to swanee, not swear, but you hardly ever hear anyone
say that anymore, I swanee you don't. And I've caught myself thinking
twice before saying something is "right much," "right close" or "right
good" because non-natives think this is right funny indeed.

I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've
got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also
gets a giggle every time I am fixin to do somethin.

My personal favorite was uttered by my aunt who said, "Bless her heart,
she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home."

To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southernness:
take two tent revivals and a dose of redeye gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this Southern stuff, blees your hearts, I hear they are fixin to have
classes on Southernese as a second language!
Bye Bye Y'all!

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"the memories of a man in his old age,
are deeds of a man in his prime"

[Kaz]

Southern-Northerness is a bit perplexing to Europeans who havent been to the US. Im not saying that none of us has ever been to the US, just that there are some people (who arent here right now so im speaking for them) whod like you to clarify.

[Yorick]

Very good John D. Very funny. Long live the drawl.

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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

Well bless your heart!
That was jest cuuute!

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You know childhood is over when a puddle seems like an obstacle instead of an opportunity.

Is Too! Is Not! Is Too! Is Not!

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

heehee, an okie accent is much like a southern accent, only w/out all the 'right close' and 'bless his/her heart' expressions. it just sounds different, and most of the words are cut off.

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It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul.

[nick1979]

Originally posted by Yorick: Very good John D. Very funny. Long live the drawl.

Yorick you know you can talk with that soutrhern drawl!


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[Grand-Ranger]

Originally posted by SSJ4Sephiroth: heehee, an okie accent is much like a southern accent, only w/out all the 'right close' and 'bless his/her heart' expressions. it just sounds different, and most of the words are cut off.

HMm, your from Ok. huh? Do yall hate Texanians as much as Texanains hate yall?


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So if in the forest look behind you, because that where the ranger is going to be

[Yorick]

Sure ah doe, I bin fixin tah spaek lahk a su'ner fur a whaal nae-ow.
's gaat a rhythm ahl its own don't it. Sae ah kin doe it.

Timid doe timid doe

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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[Grand-Ranger]

Originally posted by Yorick: Sure ah doe, I bin fixin tah spaek lahk a su'ner fur a whaal nae-ow. 's gaat a rhythm ahl its own don't it. Sae ah kin doe it. Timid doe timid doe

THis is what you get when you try to get assuie to speak with a soutnhern accent



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So if in the forest look behind you, because that where the ranger is going to be

ROFLOL! I'm a southerner ( from Alabama) who lives in "Bauston" right now, Bless my heart. I just don't get why, bless their hearts, that these Baustonians cant seem to pronounce the letter "R" in their words. The whole place has some sorta a speech impediment, bless their hearts.... Whats really funny is my southern drawl gets laughs sometimes because I refer to females as "maam" or males as "sir" regardless of age. And yes the word fixxin is fixxed in my vocabulary as well. We are screwwed regardless how we speak, bless our hearts.