24 things you should have learned by the time you have reached middle

John D Harris · 03-03-2004, 12:42 AM

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Downunda · 03-03-2004, 01:26 AM

awesome as always John D [img]graemlins/blueblink.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Jorath Calar · 03-03-2004, 02:02 AM

[img]smile.gif[/img] I love these... specially
"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance."

Sounds like me in a nutshell... [img]smile.gif[/img]

Firestormalpha · 03-03-2004, 02:30 AM

Very nice. #1 in a more sophisticated manner, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

All in all a true picture of what we usually have learned by the time we reach middle school ages. Or was it middle aged? Not sure you kinda left title open there.

You might also add to the list, "Don't complain about how life isn't fair, it's not supposed to be". That's always a good one. A touch pesimistic in tone, but true none the less.

Kakero · 03-03-2004, 08:46 PM

True...true... * nod *

Ladyzekke · 03-03-2004, 09:07 PM

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

They do I swear!!

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Love that one [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

[ 03-03-2004, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ]

Attalus · 03-04-2004, 06:24 PM

How about "It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious?"

[ 03-04-2004, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: Attalus ]

Night Stalker · 03-04-2004, 07:01 PM

Nay nay Att! It is:

Don't waste you effort designing an Idiot proof product, for no matter how flawless your design, they will always design a better Idiot! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Harkoliar · 03-05-2004, 05:53 AM

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

yep.. that hit the spot.

03-03-2004, 01:26 AM	#2
Downunda Set - Egyptian God of Chaos Join Date: January 7, 2002 Location: Christchurch, New Zealand Age: 45 Posts: 2,975	awesome as always John D [img]graemlins/blueblink.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] __________________ \"Doing stuff is overrated, like Hitler, he did lots of stuff, but doesn\'t everybody wish he\'d just stayed at home and smoked pot?!?\"

03-03-2004, 02:30 AM	#4
Firestormalpha Knight of the Rose Join Date: July 11, 2002 Location: Coral Springs, Fl USA Age: 40 Posts: 4,454	Very nice. #1 in a more sophisticated manner, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." All in all a true picture of what we usually have learned by the time we reach middle school ages. Or was it middle aged? Not sure you kinda left title open there. You might also add to the list, "Don't complain about how life isn't fair, it's not supposed to be". That's always a good one. A touch pesimistic in tone, but true none the less. __________________ "When you start with a presupposition, it's hard to arrive at any other conclusion." "We are never to judge a philosophy by its abuse." - Augustine "If you're wondering if God has a sense of humor, consider the platypus." http://www.greaterthings.cbglades.com

03-03-2004, 09:07 PM	#6
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. They do I swear!! 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. Love that one [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] [ 03-03-2004, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ] __________________ Reality Show Recaps

03-04-2004, 06:24 PM	#7
Attalus Symbol of Bane Join Date: November 26, 2001 Location: Texas Age: 75 Posts: 8,167	How about "It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious?" [ 03-04-2004, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: Attalus ] __________________ Even Heroes sometimes fail...

03-04-2004, 07:01 PM	#8
Night Stalker Lord Ao Join Date: June 24, 2002 Location: Nevernever Land Age: 49 Posts: 2,002	Nay nay Att! It is: Don't waste you effort designing an Idiot proof product, for no matter how flawless your design, they will always design a better Idiot! [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ [url]\"http://www.duryea.org/pinky/gurkin.wav\" target=\"_blank\">AYPWIP?</a> .... <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[1ponder]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/1ponder.gif\" /> <br />\"I think so Brain, but isn\'t a cucumber that small called a gherkin?\"<br /><br />Shut UP! Pinky!

03-03-2004, 12:42 AM	#1
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 62 Posts: 3,577	1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. 5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world. __________________ Crustiest of the OLD COOTS "Donating mirrors for years to help the Liberal/Socialist find their collective rear-ends, because both hands doesn't seem to be working. Veitnam 61-65:KIA 1864 66:KIA 5008 67:KIA 9378 68:KIA 14594 69:KIA 9414 70:KIA 4221 71:KIA 1380 72:KIA 300 Afghanistan2001-2008 KIA 585 2009-2012 KIA 1465 and counting Davros 1 Much abliged Massachusetts

03-03-2004, 02:02 AM	#3
Jorath Calar Harper Join Date: October 6, 2001 Location: Iceland Posts: 4,706	[img]smile.gif[/img] I love these... specially "My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance." Sounds like me in a nutshell... [img]smile.gif[/img]

03-03-2004, 08:46 PM	#5
Kakero 40th Level Warrior Join Date: March 24, 2002 Posts: 10,215	True...true... * nod *

03-05-2004, 05:53 AM	#9
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 41 Posts: 5,556	12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. yep.. that hit the spot. __________________ Catch me if you can..

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