05-02-2001, 08:06 AM | #31 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
>A Doctor's Rounds...
> > > > > > Sometimes the truth is more amusing than fiction: > > > > > > A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby > > > in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted he > >lady's > > > dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that > >there > > > are > > > several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. > > > ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To And... Because Sometimes They're Wrapped Too Tight, I could have been The Resident Corset Loosener Of The Moon's Hope Inn Ladies Guild (in training) |
05-02-2001, 08:09 AM | #32 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Subject: Old Nun
> > > > > >Now don't all my Catholic friends get their panty's in a wad and don't > > >me for 6 months. Ya' all don'f have Irish names neither. Have a Happy > > >Halloween. > > > > > > > > >A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't > > >stop staring at her. She asks him why is > > >he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want > > >to > > >offend you. She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When >you're > > >as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to > > >see > > >and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could >say > > >or ask that I would find offensive." > > > "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." > > > She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have > > >to > > >be single and #2 you must be Catholic. > > >" The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm > > >Catholic !" The nun says "OK, pull into > > >the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they > > >get > > >back on the road, the cab driver starts > > >crying. "My dear child, said the nun,why are you crying?" "Forgive me > > >sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm > > >Jewish." > > >The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a >Halloween > > >party ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To And... Because Sometimes They're Wrapped Too Tight, I could have been The Resident Corset Loosener Of The Moon's Hope Inn Ladies Guild (in training) |
05-05-2001, 12:57 PM | #33 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up
their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent." ------------------------------------------------------------- Funny Thoughts "Over?! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" - John Blutarsky. ------------------------------------------------------------- QUICK WIT: Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front of the store. ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To |
05-05-2001, 01:01 PM | #34 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To |
05-05-2001, 01:08 PM | #35 |
Baaz Draconian
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: ?
Age: 40
Posts: 729
|
LOL stop your killing me
------------------ Drake A.K.A. bocaj |
05-05-2001, 01:09 PM | #36 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
>
> A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no > lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the > horse immediately springs into motion. > > It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to > slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, > but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries > to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of > the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to > its slipping rider. Finally, giving up, her frail blonde attempts to leap > away from the > horse and throw herself to safety. > > Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at > the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the > ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she > is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune ..... > > Bob, the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. > ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To |
05-05-2001, 01:13 PM | #37 |
Baaz Draconian
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: ?
Age: 40
Posts: 729
|
LOL I mean it your killing me LOL
------------------ Drake A.K.A. bocaj |
05-05-2001, 01:34 PM | #38 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Subject: New Drug
> > This is very unusual for me. I'm not generally inclined to > pass on un-proven financial advice. > > But yesterday, I heard from a drug rep for Glaxo who told me > that they are on the verge of launching a new herbal remedy > that they think will take the market by storm. This drug > sounds so promising that I want to suggest to my friends and > family that they consider buying stock in the company. > > The drug is called "Ginko Viagra," and its function is > to help you remember what the ■■■■ you are doing. > ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To |
05-05-2001, 01:36 PM | #39 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in
front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie." "Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." Hillary asked, "Where's Bill's clock?" "Bill's clock is in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan." ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To |
05-05-2001, 01:37 PM | #40 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
Funny Thoughts "The triumph of hope over experience." - Samuel Johnson, on second marriages ------------------------------------------------------------- QUICK WIT: Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
A few cheap laughs | SixOfSpades | Baldurs Gate II: Shadows of Amn & Throne of Bhaal | 19 | 06-26-2004 03:51 AM |
Vicotnik? | Yorick | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 18 | 06-15-2002 10:16 AM |
Where the hell is Vicotnik? | Yorick | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 3 | 12-01-2001 07:05 AM |
Time For Some Laughs | Moni | General Discussion | 5 | 11-07-2001 04:03 PM |
VICOTNIK ! YOUR VIOLIN!!! | Yorick | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 84 | 03-15-2001 06:55 PM |