Take My Wife Please!!! (OK so they're oldies)

Arvon · 06-25-2002, 02:04 PM

Take My Wife, Please

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

[ 06-25-2002, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: Arvon ]

Zak · 06-25-2002, 02:10 PM

LOL! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

I like this one:

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

[img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

johnny · 06-25-2002, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zak:
LOL! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

I like this one:

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

[img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

Are you by any chance from Holland ?

John D Harris · 06-25-2002, 09:57 PM

LOL!

Why do men die first? Cause they want too!

Kakero · 06-25-2002, 10:51 PM

LOL, funny!

06-25-2002, 02:04 PM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	Take My Wife, Please The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog. What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks. A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her." Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. [ 06-25-2002, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: Arvon ] __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

06-25-2002, 02:10 PM	#2
Zak Elite Waterdeep Guard Join Date: June 24, 2002 Location: Here. :) Posts: 14	LOL! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I like this one: Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] __________________ <br /><br />Zak, Ruler of the Frogs<br />ribbit

06-25-2002, 09:57 PM	#4
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 62 Posts: 3,577	LOL! Why do men die first? Cause they want too! __________________ Crustiest of the OLD COOTS "Donating mirrors for years to help the Liberal/Socialist find their collective rear-ends, because both hands doesn't seem to be working. Veitnam 61-65:KIA 1864 66:KIA 5008 67:KIA 9378 68:KIA 14594 69:KIA 9414 70:KIA 4221 71:KIA 1380 72:KIA 300 Afghanistan2001-2008 KIA 585 2009-2012 KIA 1465 and counting Davros 1 Much abliged Massachusetts

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06-25-2002, 10:51 PM	#5
Kakero 40th Level Warrior Join Date: March 24, 2002 Posts: 10,215	LOL, funny!

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