01-27-2004, 04:37 PM | #1 |
Galvatron
Join Date: January 22, 2002
Location: california wine country
Age: 60
Posts: 2,193
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Dear Dog and/or Cat,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. (Please note, placeing a paw print in the middle of my plate &food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food &dish nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.) The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do you think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. ( I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.) My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.) The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: 1. They live here; you don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet better than I like most people. 4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, and don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a ga-sillion dollars for college, and, if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
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01-27-2004, 04:54 PM | #2 |
Iron Throne Cult
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Very cute! LOL, I think dogs would take more notice than cats of this - our dog learned quite quickly that trying to eat off our plates was a no no, so she sits quietly and waits, my cat when you try to block her from taking food off the plate just looks for an alternative route to the food. She just doesn't seem to grasp what I want her to do
The bed one was most apt as well - when I got my kitten I had to upgrade to a double bed because she takes up so much room, and yet I still sometimes wake up in the night with 20cm of bed to call my own
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01-27-2004, 05:06 PM | #3 |
Galvatron
Join Date: January 22, 2002
Location: california wine country
Age: 60
Posts: 2,193
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It always amazes me how so small a creature and take up so much bed space!
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“This is an impressive crowd, the haves and the have mores. <br />Some people call you the elite. <br />I call you my base.”<br />~ George W. Bush (2000) |
01-27-2004, 05:27 PM | #4 |
Emerald Dragon
Join Date: January 3, 2002
Location: From Slovenia, in Sweden
Age: 42
Posts: 931
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It's a bit scary waking up in the middle of the night with my face in my dog's hair, because he likes to sleep on the pillow. Of course, I sleep with my head on the pillow, so why wouldn't he. I think he thinks he's human.
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01-27-2004, 10:24 PM | #5 |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: September 15, 2002
Location: Kennewick, WA
Age: 51
Posts: 3,166
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Words of wise advice! [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]
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01-28-2004, 06:25 PM | #6 |
Baaz Draconian
Join Date: September 8, 2002
Location: Cornelius,NC
Age: 35
Posts: 700
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My dog actually doesn't take up alot of space in bed, he is just a little heater! He snuggles up to you and you can't sleep cause your too hot. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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01-28-2004, 06:37 PM | #7 |
Zhentarim Guard
Join Date: December 31, 2003
Location: SE Tornado Belt
Age: 63
Posts: 341
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01-29-2004, 08:40 AM | #8 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: March 28, 2003
Location: Australia
Age: 36
Posts: 1,124
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lol at "sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used"
and "if they get pregnant, you can sell the results" [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] |
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