all my fears and feelings (insane or human ?)

Sazerac, Thank you very much.

Ertai, with a P.S. I would like to add that even though we are not close and I know nothing more personal about you than what you have posted here, I HAVE read things here in GD that you have posted and never once did the word "stupid" cross my mind. On the contrary, I think you are funny, and more intelligent than the world around you. Embrace that.

One of the stories I related to Sazerac ond others (I think it somewhere in the W&W Forum actually) was how I was labeled a "genius child" by teachers and people who tested I.Q's when I was very young. I had a photographic memory and was reading out of encyclopedias before I was even in school. I spent my first four years in school teaching other kids how to read, write and do math.
In a heartbeat, with the tossing of a rock off a cliff and me being in the wrong place at the wrong time, that "level of intelligence" was taken away from me via a fractured skull and the inability to remember things I read and my thoughts being scattered at times.
I still feel like the kid that could remember it all and I still think like that kid on good days but it can be tough here and there, esp when I am enjoying a book and I put it down for a few and don't remember the story when I pick it up again. LOL
You're VERY smart and that intelligence is intact...I know it can be a burden as much as it can be a blessing with all the thinking you do and the places your thoughts take you but you seem to have the desire to take it all to a better place in life and that, my friend, is the start of changes for the better.


Moni



[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 05-07-2001).]

[Draconia]

Ertai,
I don't know you very well but I understand how you feel. I feel much the same way everyday. I do not think you are insane or stupid. I have posted my feelings before and it does help alot. There are so many things about myself that I keep inside and I am afraid to share. I am glad it has helped you to share how you feel. You have many friends here and I know we are all here for you when you need them. Take care and be well.

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Draconia, Dragon Queen

[Sazerac]

Moni: I know how you feel. When I got out of the hospital last year, the drugs that I had been given were still working on me. When I got back to work, one of the most terrifying experiences I had was when I couldn't remember how to unload a driver file from a computer. I had to leave the room and go sit in the bathroom stall, holding myself and crying in terror.

Eventually, my memory did return completely intact, as did my moods. I was on prednisone for a while, which really swung my moods around like crazy last summer. Oh well!

[WOLFGIR]

Hi Ertai!
Good to see, sad to see you in sorrows..
Well, feelings and fears do attack you when you´re down. No fault in it. To have fears and admit that they´re there and are realis a progress to start to fight them.
You have as I a background in martial arts and you too I guess have had fears before entering a fight in a tournament. How did you beat your fears then? Or did you loose because of them.
fears and thoughts are connected deeply and they´re there to tell you that something is wrong. Don´t have to be forever, only that you maybe are to deep in thoughts over something bro!
So take your time. Think, and beat them. I have talked to you alot and I haven´t seen a weak person but strong and sensitive. To dare to be sensitive and to dare to care, man that is toughness.
To be cold, is to be weak cause you can´t confront your softer and deeper feelings. So you´re not to fear of that friend!

Well hopefully I´ll catch you online soon friend!!

And hey, tears are good, they´re are cleansing your soul. It is better to cry than not. I know, I couldn´t cry for almost two years, and when it burst, well it felt good. So man tears are a good thing, that means you´re human!!

Cheers friend!

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WOLF WINS EVERY FIGHT BUT ONE, AND IN THAT ONE, HE DIES

And hey, tears are good, they´re are cleansing your soul. It is better to cry than not. I know, I couldn´t cry for almost two years, and when it burst, well it felt good. So man tears are a good thing, that means you´re human!!

Man you aren't kidding there WOLFGIR! When I did "let go" of all the baggage I had been carrying around with me for all my life at the age of 24, it took a literal puddle of tears with it! My tabletop was soaked! It sure felt good though and my soul was cleansed!


Moni

[WOLFGIR]

Originally posted by Moni: Man you aren't kidding there WOLFGIR! When I did "let go" of all the baggage I had been carrying around with me for all my life at the age of 24, it took a literal puddle of tears with it! My tabletop was soaked! It sure felt good though and my soul was cleansed! Moni

Well one shouldn´t mix tears with weakness, and one should not underestimate them! =)


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WOLF WINS EVERY FIGHT BUT ONE, AND IN THAT ONE, HE DIES

[sylent]

wow!
I am pretty blown away by what you wrote there Javi...
You sound a lot like me, so even though you say you don't want people to understand you, I find myself relating to you greatly.
I get pretty depressed at times (And I know everyone does), but the worst thing for me, is that I often can't even think why I am depressed.
I have periods (somewhat psychotic) when I can't act normally, and I mumble unspeakble things to myself. The next day I might be fine, and will be very happy... its sorta like a roller coaster...

I can't help but point out that you spelt Manic wrong... It's one of those weird translation thingies, because what you actually typed was Maniac Depression...
Maniac meaning (and I am quoting a dictionary) - Raving Lunatic
hehe! Now that isn't you is it?
Don't be offended by it, its just very funny! lol

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"Watch your back"

[Xanthul]

Thanks to all for your warm replies !! I went to bed soon after posting this thread, and ive get up this morning thinking that i was going to delete it as soon as i could, but your posts have convinced me.

However, i would like to say some things. Im not specially depressed now (im just sad cause ive got one of these pesky love problems ), i posted this just cause i felt that i had to wrote down, exteriorize (?) all (well, almost all) of my feelings. Some of them ive never talked about them with anybody, even my closest friend, whom i love a lot. Sometimes its easies to tell problems to unknown people (with all the respect, i love all of you but a RL friend is different), just like when you visit a psychiatrist. Think about it, whats a psychiatrist ? Just a person you dont know and listens to whatever you have to tell him/her.

Moni: You´re great !! Smiles have come to my face while reading your posts , youve touched me !
Wolfgir: Thanks for your words too ! About the championships, ive always felt nervous BEFORE having one (while i was still warming), but when i enter the court i feel quite calmed.
Sylent: hehe, sure its funny ! I dont know how it is in english. The illness i talk about is the one Mr Jones has in that film, its when you have lotsa mood changes, and very strong (once you feel SO happy and suddenly you feel depressed).
Sazerac: man, that sounds really hard. Im glad to see that you are OK now, man !!

Well, in general, to all of you, THANKS A LOT again. I dont think there is another forum like this in the world, fulled of intelligent, kind and helpful people.

Love you all

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"Let my spells do the dirty work" Ertai, High Sorceror of the Holy Flame

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ertai}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Glad you are feeling better today!

Hugs!
Moni

[Memnoch]

Javi, since we spoke on MSN I won't post anything more here - until it's time for ME to share something.

Glad to know you're in good spirits though.

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