TDAWNVNEOASRNAVPPDHADTILM (OK- now officially open to all)

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

Sephiroth burst into his worker's room and announced, "Anyone named Tony is fired right now for having the greatest percentage of non-Sephiroth letters in their name! No really, you're fired!" Sephiroth then threw a massive fireball at the Tony section of the room and completely incinerated all of them. "Now get back to work or I'll sacrifice all the Bobs for the same reason! My weapon had best be on my trophy shelf by tomorrow morning!"
"But sir, we just started it twenty minutes ago!"
"That's it Mike, I've had enough of your insolence!" He threw a shard of ice at Mike, piercing him in the heart. "Mike, you take Mike's job, and I hope for your sake that you do a better job than Mike did. You'll make Mike proud, Mike! Mike couldn't do his job Mike, but hopefully you'll succeed Mike in a way to astonish Mike, Mike!" Exhausted and confused, Sephiroth went back to his pneumatic tube and went about sending mosquitoes infected with the West Nile Virus, killer bees, a badger, two five megaton nuclear devices, the head of Adolf Hitler, a foot, a note requesting one of his workers' feet to be returned, a Canadian dollar, maps of Canada, a penguin pelt, an unladen swallow, a swallow carrying a coconut, a letter requesting that the recipient send him some coconut oil, two oily rags, fifteen pounds of pure oxygen, gasoline, a lit match, and a letter of apology for the mess he made to Nebfka. Also, he sent a letter requesting all of his equipment back because it was some ph47 13w7.

[Encard]

Encard hops up, waving both his arms and mantis-like appendages wildly. "WOOZLE WOZZLEY DO! WOZZLEY WOO! Squiggle the cows... who era uoy? You are who? FUZZY DISMEMBERMENT OF... cow cow cow..." Encard turns his head sideways, staring at Malakon. "Lawlawlaw... lewlewlew... MASS KILLINGS... killkillkill... hurthurthurt..." he accidentally pokes out the eye of a passing servant while waving his arms and other limbs.

[ 06-04-2002, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: Encard ]

[Skydracgrrl]

After posting an advertisement in the newspaper for unholy foes that she could defeat, Skye settled down to a nice slice of bread and tuna, since she couldn't find any salmon. Flipping through an evil looking magazine she had filched off of the blue monkey, she looked at the center fold with interest. "Oooh, looking for someone who can make pies and get rid of dracofleas. I could use a part time job until I find vengeance, whoever that is," she said to herself delightedly, and after giving the rest of the tuna to the blue monkey wandered off in what she hoped to be the direction of dracofleas or pieeaters. Either that, or a circus where she could sell off the blue monkey for money. Or maybe the fuzzy rice.

[Legolas]

The problem with being a big, mean-looking, ferocious Hellhound was that you couldn't just dissapear into the background. People scattered when you arrived, only to peek around the corners and make a mental note of all the places you raised one of your back legs.
You snarled a bit, of course. It wouldn't do for people to think you were a Hissy*. But it just wasn't as satisfying. As hellhound, Yggo supposed he could start a fire or simply destroy some walls and windows and shop interiors. But then the owners would come knocking on the door next Monday and demand repayment.
Eating people on Mondays was absolutely not done. Those people had just lost a good deal of money, and were down because the weekend was over and they had to work another five days to get it back. If you ate them, they'd probably become so depressed they might commit suicide.

Walking through the artificially empty streets of his town, Yggo Decin decided it was time for a change. Actually, the Dracolice decided it by biting him real hard when he answered 'no' to their suggestion. When he changed his mind and started considering the advantages of leaving this town, a cheer went up from the Dracolice.

They talked exitedly amongst themselves.
"Can't believe we finally going somewhere else!"
"No more smelly store"
"Tehee! That rhymes"
"Where we go? Where we go?"
"Don't really know"
"Tehehehehee"
"Let's go somewhere with trees!"
"What you want trees for Fubble?"
"I like trees. Some of my best friends grew nuts"
"Tehehee"
"Stop it!"

And so, Yggo Decin and the Dracolice left the small town and headed off to greater adventure, or boredom, or a really, really quick death at the hands of a giant mutated three-headed crocodile named Yerra Raijt...

*It's always bad when people think you're a Hissy. The typical Hissy would not only be an incredible coward, or sissy, but also stick flowers in his or her hair when everyone looked the other way and whimper things like "Peace" when he was about to take a beating. The effect was usually, as can only be expected, most counter-productive

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

~To Neb

After much gurgling and other odd noises emanating from Nebfka's toilet... odder than the normal ones at least, if they can be called normal, a small hissing started.
Deep down in the bowl, the three magic artefacts had melded together, and due to the toxic nature of Nebfka's lavatory.. were mutating.. the first one- an enchanted axe of lumber collecting was growing a longer handle, and a very odd shape at that, you see, little did Nebfka know, or probably care, that the repulsive state of his toilet was the precise environment needed for a change to take place.. a catastrophic change.
The axe began to meld more fully with the enchanted scrap of metal, which no-one knew the exact purpose of, or why it was ever created- which was steadily increasing in size, and growing an odd shaped lump, and finally, the universally-renowned unicycle of merciless pain attached, and just as this happened, a huge sound erupted and it went straight down.. bursting a hole in the pipes near Sephy's own toilet.
Nebfka had created a monster.. more precisely The Unicycling Choppy-choppy Golem of Murder (pronounced with a Brooklyn accent- like moider.)

~To Seph

On his way back to his chamber after his sever scalding of Mike- about how Mike wasn't the right Mike for the job but Mike was the perfect Mike, definitely not Mike though- Seph wore an angry scowl on his face.
He paced on and on, unaware of what was about to happen, when suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by a shrill piercing alarm.
"What the-" But he was cut short as a roari and an explosion burst out, according to his map, from his personal toilet.
He was shocked and bewildered, but tried to get a hold of the situation.
"In the name of all things evil... I hope that's not the mexican I had.."

~To Encard

Malakon looked on still amused, but a little peeved since that was his only servant with eyes, he normally depended on industrious skeletons, but his curiousity quickly overcame it, and he leaned forward eagerly in his chair.
"Fuzzy dismemberment you say?? Moo? Hmm, I see... interesting- very interesting."
He paused, then "If you could momentarily control yourself my lunatic friend.. might I ask you if ou are cyurrently in employment?? I offer handsome rates, if you wish I can give you many cows to have as friends... I hear they make quite exquisite pets!"

~To Skye

Skye wandered around for a bit fairly aimlessly with her monkey compadre following her every move, and by now she was far too attached to think of selling him on, but the rice was still up for grabs of course.
She came upon another small settlement, like her home town, and after finding the nearest information centre, or inn as some call them, she heard that some people had noticed her ad in the local gossip.. much faster than carrirer pigeons or express monkeys- the slow ones at least, and the ones in this area always got fed far too much.
However, her ad wasn't paid much attention to, seeing as it came with another 50 or so requests for evil people to hunt down.
But luckily she did not need that attention, for by now everyone in this town was used to hero upstarts, and that was when, in a conversation with an old maid named Bobette, she learned that anyone who even half wanted to be remembered as a hero, had to go after the real big fish.
Of course, after Skye went out and caught the Real Big Fish, she shared him with the village, and they had him buttered and with this delicious sauce with parsley.. and that's when they told her of Malakon...

~To Regin

After a lovely day or thereabouts of butterfly chasing, it came to Regin, all of a sudden, of course he then forgot as soon as he was stuck in rapt attention by a funny looking mark on his arm, which took a large chunk of his day.
After the serious inspection of such an amazing phenomenon, Regin almost remembered it again, it was lying right at the front of his not so well endowed brain, and he almost had it.
That, of course, is when he noticed a multicoloured shrieking frog, which he lovingly named Shrieky and placed him carefully upon his shoulder, then set off once more, with a stamp and a shriek.

~To Legless

It was quite lucky for him that day especially he wasn't a hissy, as on his way for a new adventure, accompanied by the rousing tales of trees with nuts from his dracolice, he was approached by two rather unfriendly looking thugs, who had noticed him marking his territory on their street, which aside from the disrespect, smelled awful.
They had a brief tet-a-tete, but the thugs weren't expecting it when the hellhound set his dracolice on them, mauled them, and did some other things which we shall not mention in polite company to them, you see he was in a very bad mood.
Then of curse, as a passing gift, he marked his territory again, in their general vicinity.
He stormed onwards angrily, not particularly caring where he went, stopping occasionally to brutalise someone, but today even a good savaging couldn't cheer him up.
'What's a hellhound to do?' He thought to himself... ' I've got dracolice, and nowhere to go, except back to the perfume business, but I can't bloody stand that much longer.'
He kept on this train of thought as the dracolice spurred him on with their biting.

[Sir ReGiN]

The ground shook violently as Regin fell. His brain had gotten over-heated again as the memories were making themselves heard again.
He regained consiousness a few days later and he remembered everything.
'Course there wasn't much to remember, he had simply walked out of his home one day when he was ten when he was chasing a cat, and had gotten lost.
With a big smile he sat down to count his fingers, a hobby he very much appreciated, and thought about what he was going to do next.
He found that he was hungry (which he was nearly all the time) and started to go back to a city he had passed earlier in the search for a snack.

[Neb]

Nebfka angrily hammered on the floor with his weapon which had turned into a large warhammer for the occasion. At the same time he was shouting, "Seph! There's something climbing around in the pipes near your bathroom, go kill it, I'm too bloody lazy. And besides, your bathroom scares me...." He then flushed a large and active explosive device and went to clean up the mess that the other had sent him through the pneumatic tube.

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

Sephiroth sighed, and decided to look into his chili ingredients later that day. He didn't go to inspect it though, instead he just called Tonies 700-900 to repair it. Then he went outside to look at the closest village. He assembled his army behind him and charged down the hill at it, firing pink elephants and serrated iron-tipped spears at the villagers. When they were all slaughtered or enslaved (and renamed Mike) he sent them back to his stronghold and declared that the day was National Pizza Day and then his army reassembled and struck at Nebfka.

[Legolas]

He had been on the road so long he barely noticed he had entered another town. Well, it wasn't so much a road as a stretch of sand with wheelruts. And it wasn't really a town either, more one of those settlements where two children continiously dissapeared into the dark cave nearby and where seven humans stood outside their homes doing nothing all day, waiting for heroes to take care of their problems. You need to run an errand? Just stand there and wait for a hero to start a conversation.
Usually such settlements didn't exist for very long, as heroes weren't that plentiful, but there was a lot of dust here. This town seemed to have a good supply. Yggo Decin liked the prospect.

As he marched through the streets he could smell fish. Yggo liked fish, but there was none where he used to live. Sometimes he'd wake up with sweat on his tongue screaming 'Fish!'. On other days he remembered the butter, too.

The Dracolice first pointed out the advertisments. Yggo thought it would make a good kill list, and one of the lice hopped down to take a copy.
Yggo Decin had only one rule when killing heroes: Don't kill them all.
Every now and then, the world would need saving by someone.

Despite several curses from the Dracolice, ranging from "May something slightly nasty apply to you at a convenient time in the future" to "I hope your hairs rot and fall off one by one" (a few started shouting "Go to hell", but soon realised that wasn't something you said to insult a hellhound), he followed his nose as he walked the street, slowly homing in on the fish and parsely.

[Skydracgrrl]

"Ah, Malakon," the old village gypsy crooned. ...... "Ahem, you were telling me about Malakon?" Skye asked politely. The old woman woke with a start. "Malakon? Who's Malakon?" Skye blinked. "I was asking you.." "Ah, Malakon," the gypsy crooned. ........... Skye realised that she wasn't getting too far. After picking up her drunk blue monkey from the bar, Skye wandered out again in search of the said Malakon. Or vengeance, whoever she found first. While trying to keep the monkey from doing things he really aughtn't to in public, she stumbled across a huge footprint, accompanied by a rather foul smell. The blue monkey chitter mooed at her excitedly. "What's that? Malakon?" she asked it, as it pointed at the footprint. After trampling two fools who were lying in the middle of the road, she and the drunk blue monkey and the fuzzy rice followed the Malakon road. To vengeance or moonpie, she did not know.