Joke World 11-1-08

[Bungleau]

Bumper sticker humor...

I have CDO - it's just like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order... like they should be.

[Arvon]

The only cow in a small town in Poland stops giving milk, so the villagers buy one from Minsk for only 1,000 rubles.

Because the cow is so wonderful, they buy a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.

However, whenever the bull goes near the cow, the cow moves away.

The people are upset and decide to talk to the sage.

They tell him what's happening: "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from behind, she moves forward."

The sage thinks about this for a minute and asks, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people are dumbfounded. "Yes," they say. "How did you know?"

The sage answers sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

[VulcanRider]

In 2006, a road sign between Penarth and Cardiff, Wales, ordering "Cyclists Dismount" also had a translation into Welsh: "llid y bledren dymchwelyd" -- which means "bladder inflammation upset". The embarrassed local council promised to replace the sign immediately.

That blunder has finally been outdone.

This month the council in Swansea, Wales, put up a sign that said "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only" that also needed a Welsh translation.

The council sent an e-mail to a translator, and added his response to the sign when they posted it:

The translation reads, "Nid wyf yn y swyddfa ar hyn o bryd. Anfonwch unrhyw waith i'w gyfieithu."

That phrase, translated back to English, reads, "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."

[Arvon]

Hey Vulcan... liked those!!!

[VulcanRider]

LETTER TO MY BANK:

Dear Sirs,

In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the
moment, I was wondering if you could advise me.

If one of my checks is returned marked "insufficient funds," how do I know
whether that refers to me or to you?

[Arvon]

Family Drinking Tradition

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of Miller and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I'm in Texas. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains,

"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church in Sweetwater and I had to quit drinking.

Hasn't affected my brothers though."

[Arvon]

"If one hears bad music, it is one's duty to drown it by one's conversation."
Oscar Wilde

[Arvon]

Hunting in the South

A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard.

The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"

[Arvon]

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

[Bungleau]

Is it a joke? Who knows... it's funny, I think... or at least impressive.