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Old 11-13-2000, 05:09 PM   #1
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Join Date: January 7, 2001
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When I opened the box, and shook it vigorously as I'm apt to do, the usual stuff fell out; manual, registration card, special offers, etc. However, a small, 3x4 index card caught my eye. On it, written in a gaudy gold type, were the words "Good for 1 free monkey!"

One monkey? It didn't give any instructions on how to redeem it, so I began to reflect on what I knew about monkeys, and that strange incident that happened so long ago..

I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odour wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

hehe.. I spotted the I like Monkeys on a Fallout website and just had to post it. I for one, think it's pretty darn funny, but I'm sure some people won't get it or appreciate it.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed, don't forget, the book of monkey needs you!
freudianslip is offline  
Old 11-13-2000, 05:17 PM   #2
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As it happens, I like monkeys too! My vet's wife has five monkeys of various species and I've promised to put links on my border collie rescue site to help people become more aware of monkeys and how they are misused in research.
I like monkeys. Thursday I bought two stuffed monkeys (not sure which species they are just yet) which are very cute and quite happy to live on my bed (which is not on fire) (most of the time)

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Old 11-13-2000, 05:39 PM   #3
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Join Date: January 7, 2001
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A noble cause, wyvern! Are you a member of S.P.C.A?

My main site , The Seastop , has a little bit of Enchinoderm information.. I'm hoping to make it a, comprehensive, online repository for Phylum Echinodermata.. so, the next time you wake up, late at night, with your bed on fire, and think "Hmm.. I'm suddenly strangely curious about the life cycle of the purple sea urchin" you know where to go.

Oh, and I'm starting to get another thought.. if we can snag 1 more person (after Lily submits) we could write a story together.. each of us writing one segment, as "our character".. then, it's passed off to the next person, who takes it and runs with it.. and whatever strange neuroses or foibles he introduces to your character, the next person has to take it and run with it.. So if someone gives you a phobia of cheese and an unhealthy fascination with woodchips, the next person in line has to develop that.

Could be evil.. could be fun! mwuhahaa!
Oh, did you get a chance to check out the storyboard? I posted there. Also, the author map.. did that work for you?
freudianslip is offline  
Old 11-13-2000, 07:38 PM   #4

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hahahahaha, Monkeys!

Me and this other guy talked about monkeys all the time during the development


I wish we had used monkeys more in the game!

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