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Old 11-14-2003, 04:57 PM   #1
Spirits forever
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Ok, here goes, this is my first poem so beware, and please read it thrugh and give me some C&C at least.. thanks

Fly to the underworld
my lord
To you my life was sold
my king
but my hear is scolded
by your death, it stings.
--------------------------
Singing the ssong of horrors
it puts my peers in pain
captured them forever
all my efforts in vain
----------------------------
Now i live a life of misery
with the song o'demise
flaws that show no wisery
Omens that prove to be wise.
---------------------------------
A king killed in battle,
Hath gotten not a funeral
Pinned on his own saddle
he was spared not a second, nor an hour
hath i not placed that flower
his restless spirit
would be back in the living to devour.

____________________________________________
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Old 11-14-2003, 04:59 PM   #2
Xen
Symbol of Moradin
 

Join Date: June 5, 2002
Location: Slovenia,Ljubljana
Age: 37
Posts: 8,554
Pretty nice lyrics! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] Just keep working on that and you can be next Justin Timberlake!
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Old 11-14-2003, 05:06 PM   #3
Spirits forever
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Heh.. thanks.. any way that i can improve it?
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Old 11-14-2003, 06:37 PM   #4
Zuvio
Gold Dragon
 

Join Date: May 19, 2002
Location: Blessed are those who are not....
Age: 44
Posts: 2,556
Quote:
Originally posted by Xen:
Pretty nice lyrics! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] Just keep working on that and you can be next Justin Timberlake!
<font color=gold>
What did Spirits Forever do to you Xen?

Nice writing SF, nice usage of old language [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
And great historical atmosphere you create, which is important. You should post in the creative section too!
</font>
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Old 11-15-2003, 06:13 PM   #5
Spirits forever
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What creative section
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Old 11-15-2003, 07:31 PM   #6
Zuvio
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Join Date: May 19, 2002
Location: Blessed are those who are not....
Age: 44
Posts: 2,556
<font color=gold>
Right here!
</font>
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