Another session of couples therapy is over
Last night our therapist introduced us to a technique called EMRD (I think?) It is a technique that allows your brain to process thoughts using both halves. You know how your brain uses one side to perform certain functions and the other to perform other functions? This technique involves using headphones to provide alternating sounds in the ears and paddles (for lack of another description) that provide alternating vibrations in the hands, to get your brain to work in both halves.
Amy had her turn last night and I get my turn in three weeks
Our therapist used it to process one negative belief about the relationship. Amy's belief is that "It has to be perfect or it won't work"
She has a belief that everything in her life has to be perfect or it isn't good. She strives for perfection and is unhappy with herself if she does not attain it. This is one of the major problems with our relationship. She feels that our relationship needs to be perfect (and that she shouldn't have to work at it, it should just happen naturally) and part of this perfection is that I should be perfect. Unfortunately, as you all know, no one can be or is perfect.
Along with this, a lot of her stress and unhappiness, is that she needs everything to be perfect. This is not going to happen and she came to the realization that, she need not stop striving for perfection, but realize that it is an unattainable goal and she needs to be happy with whatever level she achieves. It will not be perfect, but it is as close as it gets.
The final problem with this is that I have a feeling of inferiority in my life and in the relationship. This compounds the effects of her need for perfection.
I don't know if any of this makes any sense, but it is nice to just put it down in words.
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It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear ignorant,
than open it and remove all doubt!