[ʆë®Ñï†Ý]

The organization

A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at
different levels, some climbing up, some going sideways, some going
down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but arseholes...'

important saying for women

SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN.

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

NASA

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Million to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C... The Russians used a pencil.

Goldfish

Little Victoria was in the garden filling in a hole when her
neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the she was
doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there Victoria?"

"My goldfish died," replied Victoria tearfully "and I've just buried
him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish isn't it?"

Victoria patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's
because he's inside your f*ck*ng cat!"

Poor Mildred
>
>Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was getting
>more and more despondent over the recent death of her
>husband, Cecil. She decided that she would just kill
>herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would
>be best to get it over with quickly, she took out
>Cecil's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot
>herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken
>anyway. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become
>a vegetable and burden someone, she called her
>doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where
>the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your
>heart would be just below your left breast." Later
>that night, Mildred was admitted to the local hospital
>with a gunshot wound to her knee.