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Old 02-22-2008, 04:17 PM   #12
Vaskez
Takhisis Follower
 

Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
Default Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gangrell View Post
Well...

For one, you're better off posting this somewhere like rapbattles.com, not the family forum of IW

Secondly, if not rapbattles, you should've just sent this to Vaskez, cause I know he's gonna trip over this thread eventually.

Lastly, if you'd like a critique, here's one.

It's not bad, however, it isn't great either. Work on the lines a bit and try to form more intricate rhymes, because some of them are fairly basic. Plus the flow of verses 3 and 4 could use some work.

My only real deal with the piece is that it's been said and done before DA. Nothing against your style or use of language or anything, but the drugs/cars/ho's aspect of rap has been so overdone, it really doesn't do much for me.
Haha yeah, I just saw this thread.

Drowarchmage, I agree with Gangrell's critique, in that 1) the rhyme scheme is too basic, all your rhymes are 1 or 2 syllables and words that are easy to rhyme with each other. Plus the topic is old and worn. Then again, if you spit it in a new way with a new beat, it might still sound good. But on paper you havent done anything new, no new rhymes or metaphors or similes or wordplay or content. So yeah, I'm not overly impressed, sorry mate
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