[John D Harris]

A Sad Farewell

It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on
the following news. Please
join us in remembering of a great icon of the
entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
infection and complications
from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack,
the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess
Twinkies, and Captain
Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt
Jemima delivered the eulogy
and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never
knew how much he was
kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his
later life was filled with
turnovers. He was not considered a very smart
cookie, wasting much of his
dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little
flaky at times, he
still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll
model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two
children, John Dough and
Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is
also survived by his
elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50, for about 20 minutes.