LOL, that's an awesome story. Do you want an Arledrian hair-transplant, Groj? You'll grow sideburns in about three days. Or maybe you could just take those testosterone pills, or, or...
The only time I've had a really messed up haircut is when I was kind of daydreaming out of the window and the barber gave me really short hair with a sort of Hitler-parting on one side. I was horrified.