wow... that reply by JJ/newbie made me feel good, and me realize again my sour mistake...
as to what you have said, almost all were correct, or half. first, this was via text messaging, meaning celfones and stuff... its not chatting. and besides, if we ever did chat, we would also get our celfone numbers... and you get the picture.
as for her bf, he is not really a mean person, just plain wind(arrogance) i believe...
as for the chasing, it means that you are sort of courting her so to speak. get? and that reminds me newbie, your opinion bout that made me think... there was this time, she said to my friend, about some phrase entitled 'wet season'. i asked her one night, she didnt tell me, she said she would tell me some other time, and we texted for like two to five times, and i thought, "stupid, you are pathetic, you couldve told me within that two to five texts you have replied to me..."
she seems to kinda like the fact that she is being chased by a lot of guys, another hit to newbie. her problem is, she cant choose... too hard. she has her crush, but i have no idea if hes a new one or the old, coz if its the old than it wouldnt be possible coz he has a gf already... shit, i think. and after a few days she told me the meaning of wet season. and yeah, it was bout a lot of men courting her.
i, at times have this certain high and would ask her anything, would even say if i could go to her house, but, she wasnt sure, or cannot, or whatever. come to think of it, is she lying all along?
another thing hurt me, this was on valentines day, i gave her a letter, and i think i should have had a thank you, i mean, you should be at least that thoughtful right? IF SHE REALLY TREATS YOU WITH UTMOST IMPORTANCE... blah blah.
for the prom, i have thought of this, and maybe that is quite unlikely to happen, for we have our own dates, almost all of us, and it would really look bitchy and stuff if shed do that... but that will make the final cut, the final piece to the puzzle... is shed ever do that, the hell with her.
the only thing i really wanted for her is to respond, take a lil intiative, and i will go on with her full force, but, she hasnt really shown any interest in me and it makes me feel worse for i really dont know what really is the one? another hit for newbie, she may be just playing with me, keeping me at bay, just in case plan a and b failed.
hahaha. i have thought of everything that could be really possible, and she cant play with me. i play stupid. why coz i am in love, in love with wrong person, or maybe. she thinks that she could really play me like that?
heres my mistake, maybe i havent really excerted any effort getting up close and personal chatting with each other face to face, blah blah, or even more. but here is my stupid philosophy on this kind of relationships...
if she wants to experience the sweetness, the care i have, and more, she has to be willing to give it a shot by having me. i wont give her roses or that crap when i am courting someone, it would be a waste if i wasnt chosen. next reason, usually, people when they are successful, their sweetness and time usually also goes away with it, meaning both parties would be disappointed. get? well thats my philosophy... so for her to really see me face to face, the gifts and stuff, if she is willing to sacrifice everything else to see me do that.
maybe i really havent proven that im up for the task, but here is my opinion, i dont want to be always on the giving end. period.
and ill ask her bout the suicide thing, if that was really her intention, bah, that would be a great hammer on my last pillar standing-my love for her.
to be rude and stuff, she is a stupid girl who only thinks of cute guys, and her hair, and how she looks... vain. whatever. despite all my shortcomings, if i were to find the girl that would really deserve me, haha... its not my loss... i dont lust for sex, i dont even crave for those traditional kisses and yadayada, i just want to have her, here with me, celebrating the moonlight if you know what i mean. last note on the prom, if she ever did that, and i asked her to come dance with me and she said wait, or no, bye bye. i am leaving the prom, or no, my friends are there... ill just play stupid for her.. for the last time.
this thread i should call grievers love diary. hehehe
and besides, i even like to see kara more than her, menaing the feeling is dissipating, my body is learning to adapt once more.
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Tifa loves her Cloud, Squall loves his Rinoa, Sephiroth... loves his Masamune.