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"Damn Cowled Wizards..."
"I thought you once were one." Tancred regards the sword questioningly.
"Well, yes... but I retired. Too damn restrictive, you know. All that power, and it just lies dormant. I just couldn't handle it. I just wanted to go out there and MEDDLE, you know?"
"I think I'm glad you're just a sword."
"In fact, I fancy a bit of meddling right now. Go on, go out there and kill a random Cowled Wizard."
"No! They'll fry me."
"I'll protect you. S'what I do, right?"
"No... they're important people to the running of Amn."
"Coward."
"I'm not going to kill someone because my sword wants me to."
Peeved silence.
"I won't talk to you any more unless you go out there."
"Fine."
More peeved silence.
"Aw, c'mon! Where's your spunk? Your zest for life?"
"Where's your respect for it?"
"I'll never protect you from magic again."
"Oh, boo hoo. Then you'll never be free of the sword, will you?"
An exceptionally peeved silence.
"I'll tell them."
"What?"
"I'll tell everyone. Here. Now."
"Um..." Tancred seems to grow red at this point. "Tell them what?"
"You know what I'm referring to, Mister I'm-So-Holy..."
"Shut up. I don;t know what you're talking about."
"You do. I'll tell them all... you're a VIRGIN!"
Tancred blushes seriously, his voice becoming quieter.
"Well... um... what's wrong with that?"
"VIRGIN! VIRGIN!"
"SHUT UP!"
"You're a cowardly flop with no spunk!"
"Shut up NOW or end up at the bottom of a lake!"
"Cowardy cowardy custard! Can't cut the mustard!"
"AAAAAAAAAGH!"
"Go out there and kill someone!"
"NO!"
"It'll impress the ladies watchng."
"SHUT UP!"
"Everyone's looking at you. I'll bet they're wondering if you're insane or just impotent."
"Will you just shut up?"
"Go on, be a MAN!"
"Leave off, blabbermouth!"
"OOOOOOOH, look at the big man and his big words!"
"SHUT UP!"
"Kill a Wizard! What are you afraid of!"
"Nothing! I'm..."
"Sizing up the tactical situation? Quaking in your yellow booties?"
"You're gonna be melted down first forge I see."
"Can't face the truth? Look at the facts, boy! Damsels rescued, nil! Dragons slain, nil! Number of times you've got it on with a girl - NIL! And now you're scared to face a weed in a grey dress armed with a twig? What a hero you are, eh? I bet all the ladies just SWOON after you, eh?"
"Look, I'm a flipping Paladin of Helm! We're not supposed to... um, get it on, ALRIGHT?"
"Some excuse. Are you a man or a mouse?"
"SHUT UP!"
"NO!"
"RIGHT! That's *IT*!"
More wound up than he has ever been in his life, Tancred draws the jeering sword, pulls the bar door open so hard it almost falls off, and charges out at the nearest Cowled Wizard...
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