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Number 1
(Dictionary definition)
Windows 95 (win'doz nin'ti fiv) n.
32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a
16 bit patch to an
8 bit operating system originally coded for a
4 bit microprocessor, written by a
2 bit company, that can't stand
1 bit of competition.
Number 2
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Microsoft Announces Improved BSOD
In a surprise announcement today, Microsoft President Steve
Balmer revealed that the Redmond based company will allow
computer resellers and end-users to customize the appearance of
the Blue Screen of Death (abbreviated BSOD), the screen that
displays when the Windows operating system crashes.
The move comes as the result of numerous focus groups and
customer surveys done by Microsoft. Thousands of Microsoft
customers were asked, "What do you spend the most time doing on
your computer?"
A surprising number of respondents said, "Staring at a Blue
Screen of Death". At 54 percent, it was the top answer, beating
the second place answer "Downloading XXX Scans" by an easy 12
points.
"We immediately recognized this as a great opportunity for
ourselves, our channel partners, and especially our customers,"
explained the excited Balmer to a room full of reporters.
Immense video displays were used to show images of the new
customizable BSOD screen side-by-side with the older static
version. Users can select from a collection of "BSOD Themes,"
allowing them to instead have a Mauve Screen of Death or even a
Paisley Screen of Death. Graphics and multimedia content can now
be incorporated into the screen, making the BSOD the perfect
conduit for delivering product information and entertainment to
Windows users.
The Blue Screen of Death is by far the most recognized feature of
the Windows (tm) operating system, and as a result, Microsoft has
historically insisted on total control over its look-and-feel.
This recent departure from that policy reflects Microsoft's
recognition of the Windows desktop itself as the "ultimate
information portal." By default, the new BSOD will be configured
to show a random selection of Microsoft product information
whenever the system crashes. Microsoft channel partners can
negotiate with Microsoft for the right to customize the BSOD on
systems they ship.
Major computer resellers such as Compaq, Gateway, and Dell are
already lining up for premier placement on the new and improved
BSOD.
Balmer concluded by getting a dig in against the Open Source
Community. "This just goes to show that Microsoft continues to
innovate at a much faster pace than open source. I have yet to
see any evidence that Linux even has a BSOD, let alone a
customizable one."
Coming soon - Options for the Hour Glass of Doom!
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