it seems to jump from one subject to another a little to fast.
now don't get me wrong it may just seam that way becauce its the only
part of your story I've ever read ! but it did hold my interest I'll
keep my eye open for more of it. who knows you could turn out to be another
Jeffery A.Carver he wrote "The Rapture Effect" and "Dragons in the Stars"
---you might try to put a little more into what the men and women are thinking
and build up to the action rather than just throwing everyone into action all
the time. Like maybe 1) why did Wolff want this sword so bad?
2) If the sword was so great why would Ted sellit?
3) throwing the suit cases full of money at ted was kind
of confusing they hit him in the chest but broke
his arm? Breaking or cracking a few ribbs would sound
a little more realistic and still get the same point
across
4) when you take body guards with you most people don't
hide them behind a door! They stick them out in front
so the bad guys can't get to them
Remember I'm not putting your story down. It seams that you write and think
at the same time and maybe you should try to dictate into a tape recorder
some of your thoughts as you go and then listen to them it will help your
story in the long run
keep writing and I'll keep reading
------------------
The Blade Makes The Man
The Man Made The Blade
Death To All That Stand
In Their Way! BEWARE ALL!