Last time I was in Spain (couple months ago) the people were horribly stubborn about not understanding me, and I pass for a native Venezuelan on the telephone (blonde/blue hurt me in person)!
Having watched a couple Spanish movies -- dear God, Elena Anaya is so unbearably hot -- and actually payed attention to /how/ they were saying things and not just /what/ they were saying, I've come to realize that a Venezuelan accent must sound rather like someone from Alabama talking to an Oxford professor
(BTW I hadn't realized most everything you're mentioning... that bit about some girl words actually being guys I can recognize logically as being true, but if I were to think about it I'd definitely screw things up [img]tongue.gif[/img] to say nothing about all that voz pasiva stuff...)