Well...
For one, you're better off posting this somewhere like rapbattles.com, not the family forum of IW
Secondly, if not rapbattles, you should've just sent this to Vaskez, cause I know he's gonna trip over this thread eventually.
Lastly, if you'd like a critique, here's one.
It's not bad, however, it isn't great either. Work on the lines a bit and try to form more intricate rhymes, because some of them are fairly basic. Plus the flow of verses 3 and 4 could use some work.
My only real deal with the piece is that it's been said and done before DA. Nothing against your style or use of language or anything, but the drugs/cars/ho's aspect of rap has been so overdone, it really doesn't do much for me.