View Single Post
Old 10-31-2004, 06:19 PM   #1
Attalus
Symbol of Bane
 

Join Date: November 26, 2001
Location: Texas
Age: 75
Posts: 8,167
Mad

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan Jenkins sums up the types of movies.

Romantic Movies -
Edward doesn't see how he can divorce his wife as long as she's in that wheelchair. Rachael doesn't see how she can divorce her husband as long as he's off at war. Oh, well, time to [make love] again.

Cop Movies -
"Make my day, Carlos, so I can hasta la vista your dope-crazed ass."

Adventure Movies -
"Let me get this straight. We have twelve hours to get the diamonds out of the temple, or the Nazi mummies will stick forks in our eyes?"

English Movies -
They talked for three days and the girl never fell off the cliff.

Subtitle Movies -
They smoked a lot, nobody could figure out how to turn off the windshield wipers, and two or three people caught trains.

Western Movies -
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, Clarissa. Now put the coffee on while I go out and kill these outlaws that forgot to shave today."

Science Fiction Movies -
"It doesn't seem possible that they can look, act and talk like humans when only three days ago they were in boxes of Cream of Wheat. How can this be, Professor?"

Safari Movies -
"He says he saw a white man come through here six weeks ago, but he went off to Magonga Goola with Ava Gardner."

Medical Movies -
"I'm afraid that the pain will slowly consume his whole body, but he probably won't go blind until there's nobody left in the audience."

Historical Movies -
That moat doesn't seem to do much good.

War Movies -
"No sir, I've never landed a B-17 before - I'm just a homespun tailgunner from Pocatella, Idaho."

Horror Movies -
"Is that you, Debbie?"
__________________
Even Heroes sometimes fail...
Attalus is offline