[Larry_OHF]

Reading previous posts has provoked me to post a dream I had two nights ago, that has really gotten me shaken up, for it played out one of my greatest fears.
Now, everybody, it is believed, fears something. Whether it be a phobia like fear of heights or spiders, or a fear of the unkown like death, or dark rooms. Well, My dreams frequently keep me updated on mine. Let me just tell you the dream, then I can explain later. Keep in mind that this is a dream:

I am aware of my surroundings, as it is a rather large building. I am running, because I have to hurry to save her. She is my closest friend...maybe more than that...but the reason that she is so special to me is that the two of us are all that exists of our kind. We have special abilities, that others are jealous of. They would hurt us just to punish us for having the gift that they do not. They have her. I have to save her. She has a mind connection with me, telling me where she is. I can see the images she is sending me, leading me along the path she previously took with them...the enemy. She cries out in pain...I can hear her in my mind...he has hit her. She looks up and shows me her captors face through her eyes. I know that face. I could never forget it. He will hurt her, and take away her precious gift. I am ambushed by thugs. They are armed with knives and other objects. I let my anger build...I focus my rage on the center of the group and shout. A flame erupts in the middle of the group, scattering their burned ashes to either side of me as I run through. I cannot waste time! I cannot be late! She sends me another signal. He is going to rape her. I have to hurry. This cannot happen to her! She is so beautiful, innocent. She does not deserve this! I cannot let it happen! Another group of people jump me in the halls. I run faster, into them, to their surprise. The fools never can learn. My blades are out. I jump, spin, cut, kick, and I have cleared them all. When I land, I turn and slice through the remaining fool. Now, which way. She sends another signal. He is too close...she is going to lose her powers if he touches her, and he knows this! If he cannot have it, then he will not let her. I have to get in there to help! I am stuck. The door is locked, and too big for me to kick. I feel a knife in my back. I turn, and see the eyes of a dying man. He never even saw the blade coming at him. She links me to her eyes again..I can see him smiling as he is getting closer. I scream. She screams.
It is too late.
NO! I cannot believe it. I muster all the strength I have and the the door is destroyed. I see him standing there, smiling still. He tells me through mind speak, "Kill me if you must...I did what I did, and now I can die knowing that I have ruined the both of you"! I look down on the floor. She is naked, blood coming from the wounded flesh he has invaded. I meet her eyes. Those beautiful eyes of love and excitement...now only speak of shame. She accuses me with those eyes, accuses me of not being there when she needed me. I failed her, and she is now ruined.
I have lost.
With only a flick of my wrist, the evil man is laid low with a dagger protruding from his throat.
But I do not see him fall.
I can only look into the sadness of those beautiful dark eyes, and see my failure.

Have any of you seen the movie Cliff Hanger? The guy that plays Rocky is the star, and in this, he is like a guide for these people through some dangerous mountain terrain. they come to a bridge. It is a rickety bridge, and the fall is definately fatal. The men cross first, making sure it is ok. Then the lady crosses. A board breaks under her foot and she is about to fall. He rushes to her side, and grabs her hand as she almost fell. All she is saying is
"Don't let me go...Don't let me go..."
over and over. As strong as he is, she slips. And falls. Her hand is still reaching upward toward him, her eyes, still pleading silently those words as she goes down, out of sight. That almost destroyed him. He quit his job, and for years, never could free himself of the burdon.
Now, back to me...
I am afraid that no matter how stong I am, no matter how hard I try, no matter what...when the time comes for me to be of need to someone, especially a lady, I will not be good enough to help. I will not be there when I am needed most. I will lose the fight. I will not be in time. It is a curse that I carry with me that I sometimes let get the best of me. People can notice when I have been dwelling on the topic of not being good enough when it mattered, as they will always try to get me to talk to them. I dont want to listen to their ideas that I am wrong, and I am special, and I should not worry, because they are not understanding me. This is my problem, and how can they understand how I feel?
I had to share this, as it does make me feel better to tell the all of you. I have grown to care more about what you guys think of me than I do what my boss thinks. It seems that every time he wants to come talk to me, I am on here, typing away, or laughing at something you guys have said. I guess I have a really good boss, because I still have my T1 connection at work!
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I would like for you to use this post as a place to post your worst fears. It would be more appropriate than trying to play phsyco-theropist with me.
Yet if you must, then you do what you wish.

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Loyal guardian of the OHF
Devoted member of the Ironworks
Only member of the Elite Bodyguard to Rikard (the fool that takes the bullet)
Ertai's back-up
Memnoch's chief look-out
Member of the Ancients club
Witness of the 4,000th post by Cloudposter