Pation!
Enough waiting.
What would someone get Johnny? Most People would get him alcohol. I am not Most People.
Remembering a thread on the subject of reading on the toilet, and using good judgement, Johnny, I present to you the complete set of the Uncle John's series of books. One of them is featured in the link below.
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/boo...60738092&itm=1
They come on this not-quite-fabulous-but-still-a-shelf:
http://www.ikea.com/webapp/wcs/store...ts=10104*10173
I hope you enjoy!