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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than
German which was the other possibility. As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year
phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly,
this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c"
will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up
konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be
growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double
letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the
language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year,
ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and
similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to
understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil
tak over ze vorld!
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ZFR
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