[Legolas]

"Thar be mem'ries, and then thar be Mem'ries. When ye live through's many squalls as I did, ye either got no heart for the business or there be brain dribbin' onto deck from the last grapeshot what kissed yer face if it's all the former. Me, I got more Mem'ries 'n a Spongish war galleon drags barnacles.

This one time, might have been '06 or '07, the boys an' me was sailin' for Straws, comin' down windwards nice an' easy in me old sloop "Sweet Revenge." We'd just stocked up on loot after a kiss with one o' them fat merchant sows shippin' mounds of sugar to the Powers know where. 'course, a sloop's hold ain't all that roomy so we took what we could an' sank the rest. I figure it were '07 what with the fizz long gone.

Well, the crew hadn't but crossed a mile from the skirmish, huggin' the coast right tightly like some likely tavern wench when I notice we was slowin'. An' I don't mean a knot or two, neither; them gulls what was following the Revenge were as fifty pounders the way they shot past before they knew it. Now might be as there's surprises left to old cap'n Sugarbeard, but I know me lemonade. Aye, it gets sticky, but this here was syrup pure an' thick.

It be a right terror, let me tell ye. I'll get in a fight wit' a large frigate or two sooner 'n get caught in one of those currents again. Har. Come ta think of it it wasn' -that- bad. But I order me crew to set all the sails we got, an' no amount of flowery pattern adornin' the masts gets us clean. Not that we's dead in the water neither, I notice t'coast be closin' in about as quick as I'm marryin' my intendeds across the glass.

After a bit, we're on this broad river runnin' inland. The crew'd been digging into our loot and we be kind of wishin' we brought that trader along. No food makes fer a grumpy crew, an' those make dangerous times t'be a cap'n, sez I. Now the land is for the lubbers, an' so much of it all 'round, well, that be makin' me even less a cheer than the lot o' good the helm does us. 'course, we got out in the end. Leave that to Sugarbeard. But it weren't without a fight an' a good long tale or two, by the powers!

So whadda ye say, me beauty? Fetch the old cap'n another bottle an' let him tell ye of a land o' giants. Now I know me giants, an' ye best not mistake that charmin' leer fer a spasm. But these, arrr, the first we spied dressed like a giant cabin boy. Looked like one too, only he was on land, see, wit' huge rodent feet like a mutant bilge rat. Ye know what's said of feet like that. So me an' him, we shared a knowing look, and the next I know the river be runnin' red with blood. This here salty dog can tell ye... are ye gettin' me rum yet? Smartly now lass, and Cap'n Sugarbeard'll let you know it."