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Old 05-13-2002, 12:08 PM   #2

Join Date: March 6, 2001
Location: Waxahachie, TX
Age: 55
Posts: 2,201
How many wraiths does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One... If they could only touch it...

Why did the Virtual Adept cross the road?
- Cross the road? What the hell were they doing away from their desk?

Why did the Celestial Chorus member cross the road?
- They had seen a sign...

Why did the Void Engineer cross the road?
- To see what was on the other side.

Why did the MiB cross the road?
- They didn't. There are lines that must never be crossed.

Why did the Nephandi cross the road?
- To show the others how easy it could be...

Why did the $yndicate member cross the road?
- To avoid the toll...

Why did the Cultist cross the road?
- Because it was there.

Why did the Orphan cross the road?
- Road? What road?

Why did the Marauder cross the road?
- Revenge. It crossed him first.

************************************************** ******


courtesy of

...loosing your dice bag would be a serious financial blow. could paper you bathroom in character sheets. could paper your bathroom in different versions of just ONE character. are unable to walk past the latest TSR supplement without leafing through it, even though you know it's going to be bad. have more entertaining "No-shit,-there-I-was-in-a-game" stories than you do anecdotes about your family. talk about your characters as if they are real people. alternate between referring to your characters in the first and the third person.
... and none of your friends gets confused.'ve ever spent a significant fraction of your life modifying game rules that you didn't like... and, as soon as the system worked to your satisfaction, discarded it.
...when someone says "The blue books," you don't automatically picture the kind that they give you during a college final exam. worship idols of Gary Gygax in your basement. burn Gary Gygax in effigy in your back yard. will not buy comic books with the Dragon Strike (tm) logo on the back.'ve ever seen the old AD&D tv series.'re still reading this list. hang out with people you actively dislike because they give good role- play.'ve ever gotten into a screaming match over something that happened in a game... (You are so dead! I am not dead!)'ve ever neglected to buy the new edition of your favourite game because you already have three. have more than one photocopied bootleg of a gaming text. keep old characters around just in case someone might run that system again. (Never mind that its TS: SI)
...You knew what I meant when I said TS:SI. have a PhD in manipulating point systems to the best effect, even though you failed high school geometry. can consume your body weight in junk food in one gaming session. consider Altoids, Salt-&-Vinegar chips, and blue Teeni Hugs a balanced diet. (or even an acceptable combination.) have been known to drive to far away places where you paid enormous amounts of money for the privelege of sleeping on floors, eating crap, buying little pewter statues of Gandalf, and meeting dozens of psychopathic members of the alternate (or similar) sex who will follow you around for months, merely for the pleasure of playing with gamers you don't know.
...and then signed up en masse with all of you friends to play in games with game masters who you've known since high school. own your own weight in gaming books.
...the owners of local hobby stores take your checks without ID because they know where you live. can do AD&D money conversions in your head. could wallpaper you bedroom in Dragon Mirths (tm). consider the demise of "What's New With Phil & Dixie" a blow to great literature. consider the resurrection of "What's New With Phis & Dixie" the redeeming feature of Magic: The Gathering. consider the 20th century a state of mind. have a random NPC generator, written in BASIC, designed to run on the Trash-80 or the Commodore 64.'ve ever designed your own character sheets. can be more that three NPCs at the same time without generating more than reasonable confusion in your players. have ever played a Dwarven character who did not have "axe" or "beard" ANYWHERE in his or her name. know how to sex dwarves. (chromosome typing- required a blood sample. I'M not getting it...)'ve ever tried to explain gaming to a school counselor, parent, or other PW/OC (Person With/Out Clue).'ve suceeded.'ve played Talisman more than once.'ve finished a game of Talisman.
...more than once.'re STILL reading this list. can quote extensively from the Wandering Damage Tables.'ve mistaken a d12 or a double d10 for a d20 while playing AD&D and had a THAC0 low enough to hit the 8HD monster, anyway... understood that. carry AD&D insurance.
...your AC is so low that even you can't hit yourself. 87 point Balrog is no big thrill anymore.
... you bring your dicebag even to diceless roleplaying events.'ve ever discovered, after gaming with your significant other, that you like their character better than you do them. have friends or acquaintances who regularly refer to you as "Og." (Or something similar.)'ve ceased responding to your birth name. spend more money on dice than on food. sometimes forget what century this is.
...your first response to any frustrating situation is, "I bash it with my axe." know a lot of gaming jokes that used to be funny once.
...your friend(s) who does not game feels very left out of all of your conversations. have more gaming books than the local hobby store.'ve discovered that spare dice make good beanbag filler. knew that that last question was a ringer: who has more dice than they can use?
... you have a copy of "Dark Dungeons" kicking around somewhere because a: you thought it was funny b: your parents got concerned that you were living in a fantasy realm.'re sort of dissapointed that you haven't reached the level where they start teaching you the real spells (as described in the above "Dark Dungeons" pamphlet) yet: You're sure you must be a high enough level.'ve been gaming for more than half of your life. still laugh when someone says "Hey, Dave, I think the barbarian in the corner wants another beer."
...the phrase "Collect Call of Cthulhu" brings back fond memories. can quote the whole "Trolls! Mutants! Trolls! Mutants!" strip from "what's New With Phil & Dixie." knew a female gamer once. were a female gamer once. tend to play characters as different from you in race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and what have you as possible, just to confuse your friends.
...(For New Englanders only) You were able to find stuff at "Flock, Stock, and Barrel."'ve been known to have in-depth conversations about the relative merits of Champions, V&V, Marvel, and DC heroes... ignoring the fact that all superhero systems are intrinsically sucky. like one of the above systems enough that you yelped when I called them all, "sucky."'ve thought of four or five additions to this list. actually bought TSR's "Dungeoneer's Survival Guide" when it first came out.'ve ever tried to discover the strengths and weaknesses of a haemophiliac werewolf.
...someone is attempting to explain the floorplan of a building to you and you immediately start thinking in terms of 10X10 squares.
...or 6'x6' hexes.
...your first though upon walking into a friend's domicile is to reflect onwhere you'd put the machine-gun nest. and your friends have spent a screening of "The Crow" assigning vampire clans to the various characters. actually wear that little ankh that comes in the Vampire Live-Action everyday life.'ve ever gotten wierd looks from other customers at places like Denny's or IHOP because of the nature of your conversations. ..a friend of yours screws something up and you respond with, "looks like you failed your_________ roll."'ve actually paid to have custom fangs made. wear these fangs in everyday life (not to mention Renaissance festivals).'ve ever argued against a combat rule based on your experience in the SCA/Military/Police, etc. have a dozen things in mind for when you come across a magic lamp.
... when you talk about the "good old days" you mean when games cost $12 and came with their own dice.
... If you played a different game every night, you'd need a fifty-day week to use your RPG collection to its full extent.
... The six-siders in your dice bag have been worn down to the point that they look like 20-siders.
... your car and/or home is falling apart, you're wearing the same clothes you wore in the 1980's, and you miss meals regularly, but you've got the money in the bank for the next year's worth of 's products.
... If your computer broke down, your biggest worry is how you'd print out your character sheets.
... you can cite the differences between "official" Star Trek, and FASA Star Trek, and Star Fleet Battles.
... your character has more close friends than you do.
... you have more Star Frontiers modules than you have close friends.
... you could write a biography of your character easier than you could write your own autobiography.
... you think that such a biography WOULD BE an autobiography.
... you can't find your favorite shirt, but you know where all the dice that came with your first D&D set are.
... you remember when games gave you tips on "inking" dice with crayon.
... you can give no fewer than six different speeches on "what is roleplaying?", verbatim, from the introductions to different games.
... you've bought a game even though you didn't like the genre or the rules, so that you could fix the rules and convert them to a different genre.
... you've looked into how much it would cost to build a castle.
... there is virtually no game that you can't name the genre, company, or country of origin for (Hunter Planet, anyone?).
... your most important criteria for a mate is that they're a gamer, too.
... you're a hetero male and you've considered changing orientation just to find a mate to meet that criterion (that's a word, right?).
... you've ever written a speech for your character to make just in case he should find himself in such a situation.
... you remember when all games referred to characters as "he".
...Your idea of a fun Friday night consists of getting the gang together and playing for eight or more hours.
...The only reason you want a lake cabin is so you and the gang can go up there and play non-stop all weekend without any distractions.
...Everything you see, hear, or taste translates into some form of stats for a game. ("Wow! That move was cool...that means he's got Swing Sword +20 and Look Cool In Armor +15.")
...You branch out from RPGs into the stuff that game was derived from so you make better sense of the bloody thing. (Gamers-turned-Otaku, Gamers-turned- occultists, Gamers-turned-goths, Gamers-turned-military personel, Gamers-turned-martial artists, etc.)
......and you *still* don't stop playing!
...You remember when there was none of this "no exclusively (fe)male viewpoint" bullshit.
......or when there was none of this "no cussing" crap either.
...You make up songs like "Livin in the Kaer" and "Fun Fun Fun (Till the Horror took her Free Will Away)"
...You've written character histories that are longer than most novels...
......For Paranoia Characters.
...You Watch war documentaries with GURPS Vehicles so you can tell how much damage the 4-inch Naval Gun using an APX shell does.
...You spend five hours converting Modern Aircraft, when you run a fantasy campaign.
...You can quote the exact chance of a 1st-level Mage defeating an Umber hulk from memory, though a Voydanoi takes a little work.
...You break your leg, but insist on using a 'Recovery Test' before calling the ambulance.
...You have a list of what all the potions taste like.
...Your resume descrivbes you as a '5th-Level Civil Engineer'
...Drac's Raving at you.
...You've figured out that the Average AD&D Great Wyrm Red Dragon has 7 cubic feet of treasure.
...You Demand Experience points after winning a fistfight.
...You have a nickname that makes no sense because one of your characters had it.
...You Buy Dragon Magazine "For the Articles."
...You Worship TSR.
...You Detest T$R.
...You've ever constructed yourself as a character.
...You've got more tables than all the restaurants in town.
...You know how to use dice as weapons.
And then there were 6.
Charean is offline