Mel Gibson's controversial new movie "The Passion of the Christ" has come under intense criticism for its depiction of Christ's last days.
At a Miami Beach press conference yesterday, Anti-Defamation League spokesman Joshua Conningsfeld criticized anti-Semitism in the film. "Any movie whose main character goes on and on about the seven Jewish bankers that control the wealth of the world, and ends with the words, 'The Jews did it, it's all their fault' cannot be good for Christian-Jewish relations."
Rebutting the charges, Gibson fired back, "Look, we anticipated this reaction, but frankly I think it's scandalous after all the cuts we made in order to accommodate people. I mean, we cut the scene where the Pharisees use the blood of children to make matzah bread. Jesus, you just can't please some people."
In order to prevent a potential regression in Catholic-Jewish relations, Monsignor Raphael Touchez spoke at the conference by satellite from his bail hearing. "Look, anti-Semitism and intolerance is not a part of the Catholic tradition. Catholicism stresses family, community, and keeping your mouth shut."
The ADL is not the only organization upset. Protestant leaders took issue with Gibson's playing loose and fast with the Gospel text. "This focus-group revision of our faith's sacred texts is simply outrageous," said Rev. Jerry Falwell. Falwell cited Jesus's quest to become a "real boy," a cameo by Snoop Dogg, the presence of Abraham Lincoln at the pivotal Pontius Pilate scene, and a very conspicuous Mountain Dew truck during the movie's climactic chase scene.
Gibson admitted that he changed the story in order to appeal to a wider audience. "If you ever read this thing," Gibson said while holding a Bible, "you'd notice that it's a real yawner. Jesus just goes from place to place and then dies, I mean that's not exciting cinema."
"However," Gibson added, "we did try to get Christ to play himself in the movie, but after BenHur he was afraid of being typecast."
Reached for comment, Jesus confirmed that he had turned down the role. "I'm taking some time out of the movie industry, because, you know, the drugs, the women, it was getting all too much for me. So I'm pursuing more theater roles now. If you wanna catch me, I'll be in Branson, MO playing Leo Bloom in a dinner theater tour of The Producers. See ya there, or I'll send ya to hell! Oh just kidding, haha, I have fun with that one."
In one of the more inspired casting moves, Ice Cube was chosen to play the role of Pontius. He is shown here on set.