Subject: Something to Ponder
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 2001 22:36:14 -0700
>> > > 1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin
>>unprotected.
>> > 2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
>> > 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
>> > 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots
>> > wore helmets.
>> > 5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
>> >
>> >
>> > 6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been
>> > more specific.
>> > 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at
>> > you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
>> > 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot,
>> > but anyone going faster is a maniac?
>> >
>> >
>> > 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five
>> > miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she
>>is.
>> >
>> >
>> > 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I
>> > lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands
>> > there picking the locks, there are always locking three of them.
>> >
>> >
>> > 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some
>> > form of
>> > mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then
>>it
>> > must be you.
>> > 12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think
>> > if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your
>>laundry
>> > isn't your biggest problem.
>> >
>> > 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they
>> > tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my
>> > wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
>> >
>> >
>> > 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede
>> > jacket and said,"Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I
>> > said "Ididn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you
>>too."
>> >
>> > 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter
>> > Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library,
>> > and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore
>> >
------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To
And...
Because Sometimes They're Wrapped Too Tight, I could have been The Resident Corset Loosener Of The Moon's Hope Inn Ladies Guild (in training)
