Quote:
The bombs be droppin'
They'll never be stoppin'
we know this, in all of our hearts,
The nights are a blessin'
no time for undressin'
never no when we'll be woke with a start,
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well, besides that it should be "know" in the last line, [img]tongue.gif[/img] These stanzas work fairly well. I'm not a big fan of the three-line stanza, especially in rhyming pieces, but that's a personal bias - you fit it fine.
Quote:
The conditions are poor,
but our spirits will soar,
cos we know that we're fightin' a good fight,
Cos while them Jerries're droppin',
we won't be a-stoppin',
and we'll be showin that Hitler our might.
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I'd get rid of "Cos" it throws off the rhythm. YOu might want to rethink the amount of pronouns you have (that, a, them) but that may mess up your structure. Whichever way. [img]smile.gif[/img] Thanks for sharing.
[ 04-27-2003, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: Lioness ]