I have a story to tell, I grand story of cool things and whatnot.
When I was at church camp this summer, a couple weeks back, I participated in a contest. A belly flop contest. I beat out the competition with my expert flops and extreme buffness and managed to become the 2006 King of Pain Champion with the support of my fans. I did an encore belly flop from the lifeguard stand to drive home the point that I was, and still am, the King of Pain.
Now just the other day I was with my friends Rico and Joseph, hanging out at our town's public pool because many hot girls we knew came up there frequently. I was telling them and a few younger cats that I knew from our football summer training about the contest, when one of the young pups says "I bet I could do better belly flops than you could."
What? Did he just challenge me? It's on. Three rounds, judged by the audience of friends who were around. (Maybe ten people.)
We started off on the side of the pool, jumping into the deep end. He does a classic fall-face-foward-onto-your-stomach flop, with nice sound and splash, but liking on the height and style. I took a running jump, twisted in the air and landed on my stomach. Round 1 went to me.
Round two, he moved to the low dive and did a front flip into a belly flop. Nice air, nice sound, nice style, many approved. I slipped on my jump and did a lack-luster flop, which I got a few boos for. Round 2 went to the kid.
He started off round three again on the low dive, doing some crazy twisty flip thing into a belly flop that left him really red. A lot of people cheered for him and it looked like I was in deep trouble if I couldn't pull something off. That's when I made my decision to do what I did.
I started my slow cimb up the high dive, a good 12 or 15 feet above the water, I stared down at the brimy (as brimy as pool water gets) deeps at what could possibly be my fate. My friends cheered me on from below and I knew I had to do this or lose. I ran down the board, got a nice jump off the end and sprawled out into the air, my body stiff and flat as a board and then, everything went wet and painful. I hit the water with a loud smack. Joseph later told me that the pool went completely silent and turned to see what had just happened.
I rose from the water, my arms and legs on fire, my chest and stomach stinging, my face felt like I had just been slapped. Other parts hurt too but I won't go into detail. A little kid asked me "Why did you do that?" and all I could say was "Because I am an idiot."
I have bruises, and I am in great pain. I won the competition and got free food out of it too. I had to tell someone. Thanks for listening.
