Quote:
Originally Posted by Gangrell
Found it.
The Straight Jacket Romance
Needs of necessity begin to stab at my mind desperately
Sinister grins glimmer back as I stare at my reflection within
Judgment becomes stable, desires still remain insatiable
Set the stance, wrap myself in a strait jacket romance
“Oh picture, picture on each of the padded walls”
Spoke words fleeting as a morbid memory recalls
As the hinges creak, scripture of the medicine man reads
Ballpoint cutting failed results, neglecting insanity’s needs
“Hello Jospeh, how are we today?”
“Quite well doctor, have you seen Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth is not here, don’t you remember?”
“Yes, I remember her.”
Loneliness sculpted her shape, vague colors remain
Flowing hair as crimson as the blood in his veins
Pain built her frame from angelic hips to her fingertips
His eyes close, remembering a kiss from her blossoming lips
“Joseph, you know you’re here to get better.”
“Better is a state of mind doctor.”
“A state of well being Joseph.”
“Perhaps.”
Professors in polished suits study men like vermin
Priests in white delivering insanity their medical sermon
Madmen wear white, elevated to think greater minds are alike
Sitting back, no longer pondering the past of his life
Smiling to himself as the steel door closes
But still cannot drown out impending voices
A picture falls and for a moment, his heart sank
Watching the image of his love fail when the page…
Was only blank.
©2005 Gangrell
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ok, read it. I assume you wanted feedback. Overall, not bad. Good points: good imagery, good use of vocab, and my imagined tempo and rhymth of it wasn't bad. BUT, the rhyme scheme was lacking, needed more nice rhymes, yours were a bit lazy.
and no, aint heard of B-ham, but judging by his name, I woulnd't want to
unless he's one of the few that have a really wack name but then surprise you with some sharp lyricism