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Old 10-06-2004, 11:22 AM   #10
johnny
40th Level Warrior
 
Ms Pacman Champion
Join Date: April 15, 2002
Location: Utrecht The Netherlands
Age: 58
Posts: 16,981
You want entertainment ?

Here's a chuckle..

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a
drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all
around the place.
The monkey grabs some Olives off the bar and eats
them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,
then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the
billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's
amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what
your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my
pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he
eats everything in sight, the little b*stard. Sorry. I'll pay
for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays
his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his
monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey
starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a
maraschino cherry on the bar.

He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up
his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your
monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a
maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it
out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He
still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to
sh*t out that cue ball, he measures everything first."


One more...

A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat. As he settled in he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! she took the seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States".

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, " one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish," Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you,I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said... "Tonto Papadopoulos , but my friends call me Paddy."

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