FDA warnings on alcohol:
"1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR FREAKING HEAD IN!
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name/species you can't remember)
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you are invisible.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think that people are laughing WITH you.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps oftime seem to literally disappear.
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy. "
I will never do this again as long as I life...and this time... I mean it.
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