Back on topic, as no-one has demonstrated to my satisfaction that lettuce has a conscience, it think it's more likely to be sociopathic than evil.
A few sessions of group therapy and some fairly strong antipsychotic drugs should be all that's needed to turn lettuce into a useful and productive member of vegetable society. Like peas and runner beans for example.
However, this sort of approach will only work for standard lettuce. Lollo rosso, frise and the rest are beyond redemption. They lurk in the salad sections of supermarkets like cheap tarts at closing time round dockland pubs hoping to ensnare the unwary
Avoid these abominations like the plague
