Magik - I agree with you!
Ah well, stranger things have happened [img]tongue.gif[/img] I think [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Yes I agree it can be damaging for late teens/early 20s not to make their own way in the world.
I left college at 18, and from that point on I started paying a normal rent to my parents until I left home at the age of 19. Even before the age of 18 I was a responsible person. I worked part-time from age 16 while I was studying, and paid my parents a percentage of my small wage towards my upkeep, bought and cooked a lot of my own food, and looked after myself. I always helped out with chores around the house (including cooking twice a week from age 8 - my mum always encouraged me to cook as part of my responsibilities because I enjoyed it and had a bit of a talent for it, as well as the fact it helped her out with a chore she detested).
Because of that, I am and have always been a very self sufficient, independent, and responsible adult. I know I can look after myself. I also know that my parents will always help me out to the best of their abilities if I fall on hard times - for example I lived with them for 3 months last year when I would otherwise have been homeless. I hated having to rely on them during that period. They have also loaned me money recently, but I am determined I will pay it back when I can afford to - and they trust me to do it. I would feel guilty not doing so, because they could use that money when they retire in a few years, and I want them to have a good retirement after all those years of working to support me. If the situation were reversed I would help them out financially if I were able.
Now my mum would never have asked me to leave home! But I wanted to be independent. My younger bro is 29 and still lives with them. He pays rent, but he doesn't seem to me to be a very independent person - he doesn't cook for himself, do his laundry, or anything like that. Don't get me wrong, he is a lovely person, but I just don't see him coping well on his own - maybe I'm wrong about that though.
1. In the UK, parental legal obligation ends at 18 I think, although it is legal for a teenager to leave home at 16 if they wish. Most stay with their parents until 18 though, and if they go to university that may be extended in terms of financial assistance if the parents can afford it.
2. I think parents should strongly encourage their kids to get jobs at an appropriate age (mine did!) I think 'force' may be a little strong, but coercion I would agree with in terms of leaving home. That can be difficult in the UK because rent is so high, many people starting out in a job simply cannot afford to move out. But wherever possible, parents should ensure their kids become independent, but not to the extent of forcing them out on the street.
3. Yes it is harmful if kids of any age are not given any responsibility at all - parenting should largely be about turning helpless children into self sufficient adults, and should start from a young age and build up gradually. I believe it is stifling to overprotect a young adult.
[ 05-29-2003, 06:23 PM: Message edited by: Epona ]