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AliCat · 05-11-2003, 10:44 PM

I wish you the best of luck... and patience.

I have been there. My parents divorced pretty amicably, and maybe that was a little part of the problem for us three kids, because it's real hard to see why they are breaking up the family if they can get along so well. A divorce is never just an event between two people, if children are involved; it IS breaking up the family.

We felt the same as you when our mother started dating again. I'm not going to be all cheery and say "go, be nice to your future stepfather". Ours certainly did not seem to make my mother happy, and there was a lot of emotional abuse going on to my mother and siblings from him, as well as... (this is difficult to phrase)... sexual verbiage and preliminaries directed to us kids. We all suffered, going through teenage years and beyond, with a lot of issues. We still saw my dad regularly, but of course went through the teenage stage of wanting to be seen hanging out with friends, not with my dad. It was also hard because when my mother remarried, we moved to a small town with values a great deal different than what we'd had before, where you belonged either to one church or the other, where we were one of the rare "broken homes", where nearly everyone was white (so were we), religious (we weren't), and conservative (and rich, which we weren't either).

And even years later, it still hurt like heck to see my mother and father dance at my sister's wedding, because it looked so natural, so right, so... the way it was supposed to be.

We all get along relatively well now, and the atmosphere in the house got a lot better once we kids all moved out and my stepfather retired. But it took until then.

So, with luck, your mom will find a good man that not only makes her happy, but who can make you happy too. Try to stay on good terms with both parents. And also realize that this doesn't mean that YOU are going to have a hard time with it when you are old enough to fall in love and get married; for us, it meant we were VERY choosy with our mates and took marriage seriously, not as a temporary option.

And if things do not work out well with either your mom or dad, please talk to someone. Of course, you could always wait it out until you leave home, but do realize that there are people you can talk to, here and at school, and we care.

05-11-2003, 10:44 PM	#16
AliCat Drow Warrior Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Waynesboro, VA, USA Posts: 255	I wish you the best of luck... and patience. I have been there. My parents divorced pretty amicably, and maybe that was a little part of the problem for us three kids, because it's real hard to see why they are breaking up the family if they can get along so well. A divorce is never just an event between two people, if children are involved; it IS breaking up the family. We felt the same as you when our mother started dating again. I'm not going to be all cheery and say "go, be nice to your future stepfather". Ours certainly did not seem to make my mother happy, and there was a lot of emotional abuse going on to my mother and siblings from him, as well as... (this is difficult to phrase)... sexual verbiage and preliminaries directed to us kids. We all suffered, going through teenage years and beyond, with a lot of issues. We still saw my dad regularly, but of course went through the teenage stage of wanting to be seen hanging out with friends, not with my dad. It was also hard because when my mother remarried, we moved to a small town with values a great deal different than what we'd had before, where you belonged either to one church or the other, where we were one of the rare "broken homes", where nearly everyone was white (so were we), religious (we weren't), and conservative (and rich, which we weren't either). And even years later, it still hurt like heck to see my mother and father dance at my sister's wedding, because it looked so natural, so right, so... the way it was supposed to be. We all get along relatively well now, and the atmosphere in the house got a lot better once we kids all moved out and my stepfather retired. But it took until then. So, with luck, your mom will find a good man that not only makes her happy, but who can make you happy too. Try to stay on good terms with both parents. And also realize that this doesn't mean that YOU are going to have a hard time with it when you are old enough to fall in love and get married; for us, it meant we were VERY choosy with our mates and took marriage seriously, not as a temporary option. And if things do not work out well with either your mom or dad, please talk to someone. Of course, you could always wait it out until you leave home, but do realize that there are people you can talk to, here and at school, and we care.