[Mellagar]

The hour is very late, so I will be direct before I collapse at the keyboard. There's the argument, by some, that viewing images of naked women is a sickness, or a sign of weakness. By others its completely unecessary. However, its more a habit than a sickness, leaving a sort of mental wonderland for the mind. Women view pictures of men just the same. They are not w***er's, or perverts, or sicko's, or whatever colorful name given. They're merely people who view images for a personal satisfaction, and nothing more. Whether it's needed is completely at the decision of the one who wishes to view it. Remember, though you may have someone very dear to you, there are many others who have no one, and this is something to keep them satisfied. Ignorance is not viewing matters from all sides.

As for men being childish, and only 'fixing it when need be' is rather steriotypic and nonsense. Never attempt, or bother with the mindsets of everyone, because ultimately your arguement will falter. The only battle of the sexes is the one people continually play out in their mindsets, meanwhile everything else moves onward. My ideology is this: Though it may not be broken, its always wiser to prevent the problem lest it occur.
In other words, watch it closely and carefully before you do have a serious dilemma. Prevention is easier than fixing.

Now, as for the pictures on the computer, Stormy has said they do not bother her, but being someone who, as stated, is emotional, I would be suprised if they didn't. Stormy, words, and actions do not make a person what they are. Emotions can be tricked or played upon, as well as words. The only way your husband is going to act in the manner you hope him to, is when he decides upon it. I know that isn't the right thing to say, and many will refute, but who else will ultimately make the change? However, allowing the material to be viewed by a child is something altogether different. Though you may have been patient with the images even being there, I agree that they should have been dealt with much better on his behalf. Judging from what you have said thus far, slamming a piece of pine wood against the soft part of his cranium would doubtfully do you any good.

For any relationship to work there needs to be more than just an exchange of hugs, kisses, or even a night out for dinner. There must be respect, loyalty, and if nothing else, understanding. If there is none of this, then little can be done by any parental counselor aside from hand you a bill you probably cannot afford. The only battles fought it relationships are fought in the mind, and the only person who's going to change his attitude is himself. All you can do is act as a guide, or someone to point him in the right direction, but that's all. To ask more from yourself is unhealthy and pointless. Its up to him to listen.

As for your wanting to have time to yourself, and feeling that that's greedy...that's up to you. Do you feel, after tending to the children, guarding them against what is on the computer, dealing with the constant barrage of events with your family, and the emotional hurricane you've been swept into, that you've greedily asked for something you haven't a right to?

You've had more than your share of troubles, and not once should you think you have any faults. The only fault you have is thinking you have weaknesses. In your quick witty comments, in your ability to understand the thoughts of others, in your poems, to tell yourself you have negative sides would be fruitless. You won't get far if all you do is contest with your imperfections, but you don't strike me as someone who would.

I could use the old slogan of "Beauty is only skin deep." but its up to the person to know whether beauty is a gracious description, or a cheap catchphrase.

Well I place more of my thoughts later, if I don't forget them before too long. Of course Stormy, take from this what you will, but seeing as it is late, and what is typed is at all understandable (which I would be amazed if it was), I hope it does something.

In short, the only person anyone needs the most, rightly, and firstly, is themself. Only when the self is ready, can another be introduced.