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Nice, Attalus! [img]smile.gif[/img] I have great admiration for anyone who can write rhyming poetry, and you did so very well, none of the rhymes seemed forced and teh syllables fell nicely.
Here's a poem I wrote a bit ago, critiques and suggestions welcome.
I guess sorry isn't enough
they made me count your syllables
and scribble "seven-ten-seven"
on the snow of your margins
they made me mar your rhyme
scrawling "A-B-C-B"
and other meaningless graffiti
on the walls your author built to shelter you
from the slash of pens
and the callous wounds of ignorant voices
I'm sorry for the scars my pencil point left
as it ripped open your skin, your heart
trying to dig out the essence of your being
which doesn't belong to me in the least
but my hand is fickle, and it listened to them
though my heart echoed your mute scream
they made me
torment
defeat
enslave
you
when all I really wanted was to submit and sink
into the rough embrace of your letters
and greet you as an equal.
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[img]\"ubb/noncgi/smiles/lioness1.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /> <br /><br />Premier Waitress/Smacker of Cloudy\'s Cafe<br /><br />\"the only people for me are the mad ones...\"
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