250 - I understand what you mean... I spent several years essentially alone and had a lot of time to evaluate who I was and where I wanted to go...
I learned a couple of things. One, you need to be your own best friend. Heck, I understand all my jokes, I am always around when I need me, and I am dependable.
Two, find a relationship with the Higher Power, however you percieve it. I am Buddhist and have a different perspective, perhaps, but finding a relationship with The Great Spirit will also help.... You are never alone, not really.
For someone who is 19, you have a lot on the ball... remember you are further along than many peers who do not know themselves as well as you do.
I wish you well, friend, and know that you have everyone on this board as a listening ear when you need it.
------------------
Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?
Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas
Laughter can be a Mighty Weapon - when wielded with pizazz and accuracy! What Ho!!