[The Ornery One]

It was a tough pick between a porcupine and a weasel. It was the last two paragraphs that made the difference.

Weasel personalities are closely related to badgers and skunks, and are suave and disarmingly charming. With their quick minds and lithe physiques, they might appear to be promising companions, but are notorious for the Machiavellian streak that underscores their personalities. Their behavior is motivated by the fact that it is one of the world's smallest carnivores, and while lions and wolves may be able to afford a direct approach in acquiring resources, the smaller personality of the weasel requires more devious tactics. Its survival strategy is based on the manipulation of others and it uses its charm as its chief weapon.

Weasels lack the emotional and spiritual maturity found in the larger carnivores. They are masters of chaos and their above average intelligence allows them to think quite well on their feet. Weasels are attracted to unorthodox environments. Their quick minds are able to take advantage of rapidly changing situations and they'll always emerge with more than their fair share of the booty. They share the same ambitious streak as their cousins the beaver, but their distaste for hard work has them behaving more like their skunk relatives who also resort to chicanery.

They have an uncanny knack of sensing weakness in others and they'll often team up with more successful animal personalities, gaining their trust and then milking them for all they're worth. These relationships are completely one sided. Taking what they need, they soon scuttle off to prey on their next victim.As lawyers, they are the essence of what is wrong with the justice system. Interested only in filling their own pockets, they can be seen on late night TV touting their personal injury services.

Sex is an escape for the weasel that frequently indulges in quick wild fixes, and although it has no shortage of willing partners, it favors connections with its favorite targets: badgers, prairie dogs, and wild cats. The weasel lover is earnest and attentive, with an uncanny ability to make its partner feel as though he or she was the only person in the world. Its appealing shyness and disarming vulnerability heightens the illusion. But, since honesty is an obstacle to its quest for sex, most partners remain unaware of this rascal's true intentions until they've met its wife and kids.

It's impossible to get a straight answer out of a weasel for it simply does not have the inclination to deal with difficult issues, sidestepping them with typical weasel agility. Occasionally though -- in a rush of blood -- it will reveal a fleeting insight into its heart. But out of fear of exposing its true motives, it quickly clams up and regains control.