[Cerek the Barbaric]

Well Cloudster, I've got a few tips for you.

1) Accidentally drop a push pin (or 3) in her chair while posting messages on the bulletin board.
2) Call up the Maintenance/Plant Operations dept of the Univ and DEMAND that they come fix some non-essential mechanical problem IMMEDIATELY!!!! If they give you any flak, say "This is "C" in Dept. X and I said for you to get your lazy butts over here NOW!!!" (make sure she doesn't have an alibi for the time the phone call was made). Of course, if Maintenance actually shows up, apologize profusely for your colleague's "unprofessional" behavior and offer to get them a donut and some coffee while they wait to see your boss.
3) It's amazing how easy it is to accidentally spill superglue into that wide, flat desk draw where all the pencils, staples, paperclips, etc are stored. [img]graemlins/angel.gif[/img]
4) Post a BIG note on her CPU (preferably in large red letters) that her boyfriend called from the Free Clinic and needed her to call him ASAP.
5) Call a male stripper service and ask for a dancer to come to your bosses office on her birthday. Have him tell your boss - "This is compliments of 'C'".
6) Since mice and other small animals seek shelter indoors during cold weather, set out a mousetrap - under her desk.
7) When people bring assignments to be "copied", tell them that "C" is responsible for the copying - and you will make sure she gets it. You will also explain to "C" how urgently the Prof needs these papers back.
8) Apologize profusely to the above professor when his tests/assignments are NOT copied on time and explain that - with her busy schedule - "C" may have accidentally forgotten to do them. Offer them coffee and donuts while they wait with the maintenance guys to see your boss (who will be available as soon as the stripper leaves).
9) Put Ex-lax in the coffee at work. When anybody asks if there is coffee made say "Why yes. In fact, "C" just made a fresh pot".
10) Your PC is dying. No problem. Swap harddrives with "C" while she's gone to class.

There - that should be enough to get you started. Luv ya sweetie.