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FUTURE SCHLOCK
Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars are legal but
President Chelsea Clinton has banned smoking... Congressman Gary Condit
still missing... Senator Strom Thurmond is dead but continues to filibuster.
Last fundamentalist Muslim dies in the U.S. Territory of the Middle East (formerly Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon)...Hunt continues for
Osama bin Laden; believed sighted at Arafat's tomb in Detroit...White
House demands Saddam Hussein's resignation for 748th time.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants: Average height of
NBA players now 9' 7"... Thirty-five year study proclaims diet and
exercise is the key to weight loss... Baby conceived naturally;
scientists stumped.
Spotted owl plague threatens western North American crops &
livestock... Ozone created by hybrid cars kills thousands... Colorado
motorist arrested for NOT driving SUV... New California law requires
all nail clippers, screwdrivers and baseball bats be registered in
2036... Authentic year 2000 Florida "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6
million.
Oprah Winfrey, nearing retirement, buys Illinois... Texas executes last
remaining citizen.
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53.7% of all statistics are made up
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