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Old 11-11-2002, 10:19 PM   #7
Aelia Jusa
Iron Throne Cult
 
Tetris Champion
Join Date: August 23, 2001
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Age: 43
Posts: 4,867
It's not bad. I don't know what it's for so it's not clear what type of standard it should be, or who it's aimed at so it's hard to critique it. You have some grammatical errors, with apostrophising, and also using commas where a semi-colon would be better. Also where you have 'I believe', it's generally better in an essay like this to use 'I maintain' or 'I argue'. Beliefs are wishy-washy; you're making a claim and justifying it, so say so. You also pose a lot of questions like "Is it really all right to kill others and use their death to help others?" - questions are okay but sometimes it's better to just make a statement rather than pose questions that you'll be answering in the text anyway.

This bit I don't really understand: "For years many people of different religions have believed that their god is the reason they are created and many believe that god makes us for a reason. The first of these reasons being that of religious controversy that is spread wide among the people of the world." Do you mean the reason God makes us is so religious controversy is spread around the world? That doesn't make sense to me.

It also might be helpful for you to do some research on the ethical debate about abortion since it's tied closely with this. You have a few statements like "Many people have no idea which way to go on this issue" - this isn't really adding to your argument. Might be better to find some arguments for (try someone like Mary Ann Warren) and against (try Don Marquis) which you can consider.

Hope that helps [img]smile.gif[/img]
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