[Sazerac]

Originally posted by Attalus: BTW, Saz, I love the dirge in your sig. It kept running through mey head last night. Galadria had to tell me to stop singing it.

Oh, have you not heard the full unexpurgated version?

You asked for it! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Here it is:

The Barbarian Birthday Dirge

Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]
Doom, destruction and despair,
Grief and sorrow fill the air,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

Birthdays come but once a year,
Marking time as Death draws near,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

May the cities in your wake
Burn like candles on your cake,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

You must marry very soon,
Baby's due the next full moon,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

Your servants steal, your wife's untrue,
Your children plot to murder you,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

They stole your sword, your gold, your house,
Took your sheep but not your spouse,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

So far Death you have bypassed
Don't look back, she's gaining fast
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

We brought linen, white as cloud,
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud,
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what!
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

This one lesson you must learn,
FIRST you pillage, THEN you burn!
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [ARRrr!!]

Hear the Women Wail and Weep
Kill them all, But Spare the Sheep
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

May the children in the Street
Be your barbecueing Meat
Happy Birthday. [Hunh!] Happy Birthday. [Hunh!]

Typhoid, plague and polio
Coffins lined up in a row
(etc.)

Pestilence has struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
(etc.)

Long ago your hair turned grey
Now it's falling out, they say
(etc.)

Burn the castle, storm the keep
Kill the women, save the sheep
(etc.)

Burn, then rape by firelight
Add some romance to your life
(etc.)

Now you've lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer
(etc.)

It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
(etc.)

There's probably hundreds of more verses out there, but I'll spare you. Galadria's going to have my head on a platter as it is!

-Sazerac