Ironworks Gaming Forum - View Single Post - LMAO at this email I got...warning: explicit

VulcanRider · 09-05-2002, 11:25 PM

When I get chain letters, I reply with this:

Hi, my name is Billy Evans. I am 10 years old. My mother is typing this for me because I don't have any arms. I don't have any legs, or even a body. I'm just a head. My doctor, Dr. James, says I was born this way 'cause mommy was snorting drano when I lived in her tummy. She doesn't mean to sniff things like that, but she's only got this one big hole for a nose, instead of two little ones like everybody else, and things get pulled in real easy.

I'm writing to ask you to donate a nickel so I can get a body. See, Dr. James says he can sew my head onto a real body if we pay him in cash. Right now, mommy can't afford it, so he duct-taped my head onto a burlap bag full of twigs. I'd be happy with just this, but mommy's allergic to burlap so when she hugs me it chafes her and makes her break out.

Mommy's crying while she types this, 'cause it makes her sad when I scratch an itch and a twig leaves splinters in my cheek. Plus, she wishes she could get a job so we wouldn't have to ask for money, but nobody hires people who cry. She had a job once, but with all the Calomine lotion on her skin people didn't want her to get too close.

If I had a real body I could play with the other kids. It's summer, and they like to play baseball every day. Right now I can only be third base.

If I had real hands I could pet my kitty. Mommy had to put her out of the house after she started burying doodies in me.

We're gonna take all the nickels people send us, and put them in bags and send the bags to Bill Gates, and he's gonna weigh them and write a check for the whole amount, plus maybe a little extra, if the next version of Windows sells real good. Then we'll take the check to Dr. James, and he said he'll find me a body.

So please, can't you spare a nickel? Just one freakin' nickel, so a boy who's just a head won't have to roll himself across a dirt floor with his tongue? So he can have more than a @#$%@#$ hat and a #$%#$% pair of sunglasses for @#%%@ Christmas? Or are you such a stingy, heartless @#%@^# that you can't blow the @%@#^% dust off your wallet and spare some !@#$%&%# pocket change?

You can send your money to the person who sent this letter, 'cause you can trust them. But it's not safe to send cash in the mail, so maybe you should write down a credit card number, with expiration date, and just send that instead.

Thanks,

Billy (Smiles) Evans...

09-05-2002, 11:25 PM	#10
VulcanRider Lord Soth Join Date: July 25, 2002 Location: Melbourne FL Age: 61 Posts: 1,971	When I get chain letters, I reply with this: Hi, my name is Billy Evans. I am 10 years old. My mother is typing this for me because I don't have any arms. I don't have any legs, or even a body. I'm just a head. My doctor, Dr. James, says I was born this way 'cause mommy was snorting drano when I lived in her tummy. She doesn't mean to sniff things like that, but she's only got this one big hole for a nose, instead of two little ones like everybody else, and things get pulled in real easy. I'm writing to ask you to donate a nickel so I can get a body. See, Dr. James says he can sew my head onto a real body if we pay him in cash. Right now, mommy can't afford it, so he duct-taped my head onto a burlap bag full of twigs. I'd be happy with just this, but mommy's allergic to burlap so when she hugs me it chafes her and makes her break out. Mommy's crying while she types this, 'cause it makes her sad when I scratch an itch and a twig leaves splinters in my cheek. Plus, she wishes she could get a job so we wouldn't have to ask for money, but nobody hires people who cry. She had a job once, but with all the Calomine lotion on her skin people didn't want her to get too close. If I had a real body I could play with the other kids. It's summer, and they like to play baseball every day. Right now I can only be third base. If I had real hands I could pet my kitty. Mommy had to put her out of the house after she started burying doodies in me. We're gonna take all the nickels people send us, and put them in bags and send the bags to Bill Gates, and he's gonna weigh them and write a check for the whole amount, plus maybe a little extra, if the next version of Windows sells real good. Then we'll take the check to Dr. James, and he said he'll find me a body. So please, can't you spare a nickel? Just one freakin' nickel, so a boy who's just a head won't have to roll himself across a dirt floor with his tongue? So he can have more than a @#$%@#$ hat and a #$%#$% pair of sunglasses for @#%%@ Christmas? Or are you such a stingy, heartless @#%@^# that you can't blow the @%@#^% dust off your wallet and spare some !@#$%&%# pocket change? You can send your money to the person who sent this letter, 'cause you can trust them. But it's not safe to send cash in the mail, so maybe you should write down a credit card number, with expiration date, and just send that instead. Thanks, Billy (Smiles) Evans... __________________ ----- Help feed animals in shelters with just a mouse click at The Animal Rescue Site !!