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Old 08-06-2002, 07:30 AM   #1
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Vampire
 

Join Date: April 28, 2001
Location: Cambridge
Age: 42
Posts: 3,877


My aim of life is a lil story by itself. It started with being targets set by my parents. Little things like exams and getting into a good uni, but deep down i always had my own and that is love, to find true love and to sacrifice all in the search for this. Sadly this made me too objective at social occasions. And my stories of love became almost like the sports i play and the things i do. Too objective. Sure I enjoyed it for what it is, but i treated it like chess. My aim was to have it last forever and i sacrificed all for it. Just like chess's aim is to capture the king at ALL costs. And I realised that I shouldn't have an aim in a relationship. Ofcourse one wonders whether this is the one, that is inevitable, but you shouldn't purposefully target this. Well after this I talked to my dad and now i partially look at things differently (perhaps more maturely) when my head is clear.
He said that dating is fine but keep it to enjoyment. Ofcourse it should be devoted pure love but know when to start and when to end. He said I need to be able to cope being single and enjoy the freedom and use it! My aim should be on maximizing my career. He said that i never had a final career goal and this fell into the natrual default of a family goal. He said that the family goal is something you shouldn't think about. It will come natrually along as long as you do the right things.
He said that as long as i work hard and graduate with a 1st class from Cambridge, then the world is my oyster (yuck! ) and with a vision i am an eagle without bounds. He said being married is something I should avoid thinking about so early on. It is the bird inside a golden cage. From the outside it looks so wonderful but from the inside the bird would rather be fighting for its life free in the world.
Before my life was driven by one thing. To make the girl i love happy, which means exercising and having a good body, be a nice person and having lotza money (ooooooo shopping is so important! ). Money means a good job better tahn what everyone else has and means I have to work hard for it. But now I seem to have lost all that. I know it makes very little sense but it's so much easier to work with an objective. Rather than to think that: well the objective is there you just don't have it.
Reeka once told me to be patient and "for god sake you are only 19!" but i keep talking to so many lovely and caring yet single friends on the net and i fear i will end up single (because it's not for me). My dad just laughed and is convinced that I am worrying over the most trivial of things. However, I fear doesn't quite understand just how important true love is. I am always under the impression that true love is as rare as blue gold and blue roses (why are blue things so rare?). What does everyone else think?
Also I think too much. I never express my true feelings in the fear of being outcast and rejected. I don't know....
This week I even forgot to collect my pay from work... there seems to be no urgency in my life. Before i didn't have enough money now I have too much. Guess I'll just start saving [img]smile.gif[/img]
i don't know what else to say really....
hey just looking for pointers...
sorry this is so boring....
I gotta go now....
btw, is it a poo poo idea to post so much about me on here.... i don't really mind that much but feel a bit exposed emotion wise.. [img]smile.gif[/img] be gentle on me
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