Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
So he and his buddies can point and laugh at you through the one-way mirror.
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
No, satan owns it after 50 miles down.
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Nobody knows
Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?
Yes but it takes years of practice.
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
Because after you admit you are an alcoholic you can go back to drinking.
If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
Yes, unless you are a procrastinator...then it would be a dogsu.
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Because it would sound funny telling people the can is up steps.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Because light freezes long before tv dinners do.
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
To keep their 'taste' intact.
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?
Because sheep piss goes bad after about 2 months.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
Hey, KHan likes his toast burnt!
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
No it is called Fenching.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
A very very VERY sick individual.
What do people in China call their good plates?
"Plates that are better than those stupid people eat off of that they call China" or, more simply put, bowls.
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
Only if his cardboard box has a door. If he lives on a park bench then you have to get the pigions permission first.
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Because his original plan was to kill the Skipper but he ran outta time (episodes) and patching the hole would have used the only ingredients that will kill fat stupid blowhards.
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?
Because if they got into the habit of pointing at their crotch then they might get mixed up and ask someone if the 'have the time' while pointing at their crotch.
Thank you for the questions!
Got any more?
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