THE TELEPHONE CHAPTER I
My phone rang and I picked it up. A woman asked, "Is Tom there?"
I answered, "No, Tom doesn't live here."
She said, "Are you sure?" Like I'm an idiot who doesn't know who lives with me.
So I said, "Oh, Tom."
"Yeah, Tom! Is he there?"
I said, "I don't know."
She started to get mad. "He's out with that blond again, isn't he?"
I answered, "Yeah."
"He's out with Cindy?"
"Yeah."
She said, "I bet he's still seeing Laura, too!"
I didn't answer.
"He's sleeping with Laura, isn't he?"
"Only once, but he was drunk."
"He's drinking again?" [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img]
"Yeah."
"And tell me, who else is he seeing?"
"I better not say. I don't want to get Tom in trouble."
She screamed, "You tell Tom to call me tonight or we're through!" and she slammed down the phone.
I don't know who Tom is, but I'll tell you one thing, I just did him a big favor.
CHAPTER II
The phone rang. I looked at my Caller ID. It was a salesman. I picked up the phone, "Hello."
A man asked, "Is Mr. Hanifin home?"
"No," I said.
"Is Mrs. Hanifin home?"
"No."
He said, "Who are you?"
I said, "A burglar," and hung up.
CHAPTER III
I called up my credit card company. A man answered, "My name's Dwayne. How can I help you?"
I said, "My bill was $786.27 and I figure it's only $27.13."
Dwayne said, "What's your credit card number?"
I looked at the number closely, took a deep breath, and said, "6 zillion, 207 trillion, 872 billion, 212 million, 933 thousand, 614."
Dwayne said, "Can you give that to me again?"
I said, "6 zillion, 207 trillion, 872 billion, 212 million. 933 thousand, 614."
Dwayne said, "What's you social security number?"
I said, "842 billion, 238 million, 491 thousand, 937."
Dwayne said, "I need your phone number with the area code first."
I said, "94 billion, 257 million, 226 thousand, 604, but it's cheaper if you call 1010 811 zillion, 194 billion…"
He interrupted me. "Sir, I'm going to just change your bill."
CHAPTER IV
The phone rang. I looked at my Caller ID and read; NORTH AMERICAN BANK.
I picked up the phone. "Hello."
A woman asked, "Is this Patrick Hanifin?"
"Yes."
"You've been pre-approved for a credit card with a $5,000 limit."
"Wow, thanks! Can I take the money out in cash?"
"Yes, sir. I guess so…"
"That's great. Now I'll be able to pay my rent."
"You say you're behind in your rent?"
"Yeah, it's hard to get a job after you've been in prison."
"You say you were in prison?"
"Yes, ma'am, for 10 years."
"What were you in for?"
"Credit card fraud."
I cant stop post this storyes sorry guys LOL!!
[img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]
[ 07-06-2002, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: Megabot ]